Gonna miss you trees

Sunny autumn day and light coming through the various colours on the silver birches helped get us up and doing some stuff. The plans to wash the kitchen floor after tea were over ambitious though. The virus, the aching are getting to us and our hands, wrists and fingers are getting sore as well. Need to remember to include that on the assesment, trying force us into the job market would be unfair on us, Pabs and any future employer. Who wants to pay someone to phone in sick or come in and spend the shift crying in the toilets and can't remember how to do anything when they arnt... Those rows of numbers when we were put with accounting in Aberdeen, literally turning into incoherent symbols, the suspicion cause by our scars and constant peeing. The brain splitting stomach churning sexual harrasment. The migraines, the viruses, the to exhausted to sleep all night followed by sitting in a warm office space with uninteresting work we didnt care about. The awful pain, exhaustion and loneliness of stacking freezers in Tesco before Christmas that followed it. And that was all voluntary. Trying to see if we could pay our own out of Skene and into a place we liked, and to pay for driving lessons, trying to be like other people.. Learning experiences we don't need to learn again. We had to use Dundee rings to get us out and into Fintry because that was all we could reach, all that was prepared to even pretend help me and Pabs. My god that initial joy of living under a roof and in rooms that were just me and his. Until the violence got in of course. Still though violence that has to get through a door is better than violence that doesn't.

Went through a box of paper work yesterday, Women's Aid stuff, CICA stuff including a letter from Dundee police saying they had no record of any incidents or statements, Open University graded TMAs and endless scraps with bits of survivor poetry and words on them.  Stuff we wrote for the Savile inquiry statement, stuff we wrote for the Jersey inquiry statement. Felt kind of proud to reminded of much we keep keeping on. Put the severe struggles of the last few years here before and after Stratheden into perspective.

Monday tomorrow, schools back, lots of stuff to do, websites and emails to keep an eye on. We will wear our hand braces, the cold isn't too bad so far and definitely won't let us over do it. Got the ingredients to make more lentil soup, can't be going all day on a bag of crisps and can't be buying from the shops stuff everyday either.