hurry the fuck up
Didn't sleep as well as I hoped. Did get a good few hours during the actual night though. Woke up feeling as miserable as normal. No plans to jump out of bed and start cleaning or weeding or some shit. Its too bloody cold anyway. Probably a bit over tired, been struggyling to keep the fags down to every 2-3 hours so that adds to the yuckiness to. Addictions, depression and boredom a bloody pain espically as we felt a bit better straight away with the cutting back. But now we are sad and hopeless and pissed of again. Was good yesterday during the day though getting stuff done, being outside, eating well all without cannabis or cannabis cravings. Craving a lot this now though. Wish we could just take a couple of pills of something nice, smoke something great and feel all warm and lovely in bed for the day. Then get up and make food and parent.
He went off to school with scrambled eggs and toast in his belly this morning, like to give him protein in the mornings espically on Mondays in the hope we will be less likely to get the Pabs is sleepy come on get him call. A few times he has said that he told them he was fine just a bit to hot and hasn't had any problems staying awake at home. Bugs he is eleven not four or five, he'll come round.
Don't want to go back to sleep. Dont want to do anything. Will make a mocha, constantly peeing already anyway what with cups of tea and half a glass of orange juice. Really want to stress how much our bladder pisses us of and adds to our tiredness. Bad catheter infection as an infant I believe before mom rescued us. The best from the NHS is to test our urine for sugar and shrug. Don't want to go back to them, hate the anticipated for what awfulness will come out their mouths, there's no point in telling ourself we are not less than a second class citizen and that professionals are generally safe because its crap we are not a citizen and professionals are not safe.
Noticed September has ended.. Still here, justice still a sick joke. Politics, media, science, technology all still sick jokes. Still wading through other victims experiences and programming trying to find ourself just for location and lack of signs of life in anything and anyone we can access except our dissociated son to push us back.
Just gotta keep reminding ourself of everything we achieved even if it will always been denied by authorities and if friends and family can't get us out of here, then eventually we will.
He went off to school with scrambled eggs and toast in his belly this morning, like to give him protein in the mornings espically on Mondays in the hope we will be less likely to get the Pabs is sleepy come on get him call. A few times he has said that he told them he was fine just a bit to hot and hasn't had any problems staying awake at home. Bugs he is eleven not four or five, he'll come round.
Don't want to go back to sleep. Dont want to do anything. Will make a mocha, constantly peeing already anyway what with cups of tea and half a glass of orange juice. Really want to stress how much our bladder pisses us of and adds to our tiredness. Bad catheter infection as an infant I believe before mom rescued us. The best from the NHS is to test our urine for sugar and shrug. Don't want to go back to them, hate the anticipated for what awfulness will come out their mouths, there's no point in telling ourself we are not less than a second class citizen and that professionals are generally safe because its crap we are not a citizen and professionals are not safe.
Noticed September has ended.. Still here, justice still a sick joke. Politics, media, science, technology all still sick jokes. Still wading through other victims experiences and programming trying to find ourself just for location and lack of signs of life in anything and anyone we can access except our dissociated son to push us back.
Just gotta keep reminding ourself of everything we achieved even if it will always been denied by authorities and if friends and family can't get us out of here, then eventually we will.
