August 28, 2017

Thanks for the Freedom.

All those layers of rings and gangs and families and such all thinking and doing exactly as was wanted of them by people most of them don't know exist, thinking they have power when the power they appear to have is only what has been arranged for them and nothing else. Nothing independent. Understanding that, remembering that would undermine the psychological and emotional damage but loosing sight of it even briefly would do so much damage and we would start believing things as they was presented. Keep us as close to death as possible for as long as possible having the rings fight over us and our death ensured that so we would have no time and nothing and no one left to survive what was attempted once they had us in an institution last summer, another year of isolation and we would be easy pickings about now.

Making sure everyone could and would be there last year was the highest of priorities for a long time and whatever we all did, it worked. We don't feel like easy pickings. We are not in constant state of terror at the horrific damage that could be done to us at any minute because there isn't anything that could do that much or that kind of damage to us. A lot of the time is wasn't us we were scared for it was being trapped as a vulnerable little whilst being surrounded by the carnage of crimes of the state or war crimes against whatever population they had us trapped in.

What the hell can they do to British people that would traumatise our not so vulnerable littles now? Go for the Americans instead?? Europe? Make people elsewhere that they are already making suffer and have no intention of stopping from making suffer suffer more?

Whatever. We are not alone.

In our handwritten notes we found ourself scribbling from a victim perspective about the sense of a difference in British RA versus other places and not knowing if its a real thing or mostly just in us. We were saying that there we believed that they believed it more here. In much of Russia it was authoritarian and you could see the total detatchment from most people involved and their words and actions. They were there because they were crushed and they were not expected or forced to see it any other way. Catholic countries had some very Satanic Satanism but the organised crime was always to present in every way, it was a means of protecting the trafficking, of keeping power over communities. The churches and the habits might of made it seem different but really it was the same shit as further North.  America has its vast amount of accepted white power, curroption and organised crime but its America so there are lots of easily answered questions about the fucked upness of it origins, the documents and physical primary sources are not that old. Elsewhere out of Europe we stopped seeing any differences and just saw the similiarites. It was a very ugly face of capitalism it's just that in Britain we have a strong sense that we found it to be older than everything else around..

The people in the rings looked at us with genuine hate here more than any where else, there was and is so much commitment to seeing my existence as a personal threat to their everything. We wont let you leave because people will find out what we have done to you here. We won't let you leave because we need here and we need you broken. There was tonnes of white supremacy. They Lynne would react if we said something unwhite jokingly, by accident or because we were feeling brave and knew it would really her up was incredible but she we could always feel her ready herself for the attack every time we walked in the room. They are groomed, trained, conditioned to need me to be in a very bad place all the time and to feel very anxious if they were near me and I wasn't and to do something about.. chosen for their dumbess and easiness to hate early then praised and rewarded for it ever since.

And they call us less than dogs.