August 24, 2017

Hi Dad.

tuna, pasta, salad, made garlic bread with a pannini, got wine, got weed, been taking our meds not too bad, remembering more about seeing our Dad in the hospital, a butterfly landed on us and we put in some new plants and moved one of the climbers. Feels good. Really good.

We've been note writing, by hand and word processor mostly about this, we are thinking about starting another blog to talk about this one. Its exhausting just forcing a word or two after all these decades of efforts to stop us knowing and stop us saying and being we went built on eons of others before us.

People are forced to take part in it in large numbers despite everything they are but then they are kept close to misery and groomed to believe if we escaped the stories we would tell would point the finger at them and theres so they must help keep us here, keep us down to protect them and there's from paranoid fantasies about what would happen if the truth was known and generations of exprience that when it was said that if they didn't do as they were told them and their children would be treated like me and mine it was meant. They would, for a while.

How many times in the hours we had together did another us pop out to say "Hi Daddy" and as much else as they could. Just like before, like we taught you but you knew instincivly how to often anyway you would know how to talk to them, how to hold us. Then of course you had to met the new ones. I had to say "Hi Daddy" and that was really really hard but we needed to. You needed me to. Everyone needed me to. Will still have that same sense of having done everything we need/want to do that we got when we managed. We a baby. We just take care of us and the boy and wait for our friends. The parts they forced on us to block out all others and exhaust themselves to death took a step back and were reclaimed.

The ye olde "if we don't see each other we wont survive but if we try and see each other we won't survive that either." ..
..

We survived though and we are still here so there isn't any going back to the levels of denial we were running before. Nothing that we are supposed to know about saves our life, stops the breeding and there isn't any of us left thinking they have control over anything we need. A little bit of humanity is all it takes but people were told showing humanity would be against their interests and believed it and that suggests to us that their humanity was long gone or always absent and that means there is very little we can do for them.

Their power lies in the effect their percieved and assumed humanity has on those that haven't had theirs removed through tortures and surgery and heart break.

No regrets about leaving twitter. We saw a maleish looking DID person saying "sex work" should be legalised.. we saw no one hearting our flowers.. We see uk indifference to and jokes about the fart in the states and the mainstream fascism and want to turn that perfect white UK that was captured by satellites that proper winter all black and smokey.

Out of our hands. Our job is to rest and heal.