June 08, 2011

Delusional writing: Satanism and words II

I always liked playing with words, chopping them up and putting them togther to see what would be turned up. It gives me insight into understanding how symbols work and makes for an excellent student of Satantism. The theory was pretty fascinating, I got access to some really old shit, failed on my praciticals though. Until more people started betting on me to win. This meant my winning and not my losing was a crucial cog in the whole economic and ideological machine. So I had to loose.

They would repeat ideas, words along with actions, trying to enforce a state where everything has literal symbolic meaning, like when your mad. The same power in the unseen as well. When I had my biggest breakdown I broke jars in my dads bedroom to release ghosts and went into my sister house to move some phones and a magnet that I believed were being used to trap a gold fish. I could here its pain and had to help. There was a lot of work to make symptoms of abuse the same as common psychiatric ideas about organic mental illnesses. To me the historical connections between psychology as means of enforcing white male middle class ideas of normal and right. It was already satanic in my view. Satanic, meaning totally wrong in every sense of the word.

There was so many differnet names for whoever I am thats why I stated saying just call me 'quean' it linked the state I was in the Scottish hordes as I called them then. Every name represented massive loss but also infinite possibilites (so and so can't handle this pain can you? Who could, tell me who could? - regular sometimes). Names from various mythologies or simply words from that language. Studying it woke me up, they wanted more theory so I was to study the sources. Had worse jobs. Names that translated would mean 'shit', 'doormat', 'blowjob' for the lower families or 'power' 'beauty' 'transcendence' if you were from a higher up one. Some years there would be seasons when roles were reversed and things got even uglier, or so it would seem. Quite a source of humour though if you were conscious enough to notice, as 'beauty' was always a fucked up stupid cow, 'power' a repressed homosexual (even more popular with satanists than spirited women) and 'transcendence' the basest individual you could ever meet. It was little things like that made me believe so strongly that somewhere high up in all this shit was people doing what they could to make it a little better, to introduce a crack or to here and there. There was of course, insyability amongst the ranks was much more entertaining than everyone obiently following assigned roles. We made up our own names to, thinking what a difference it would make.

My material spiritualism was there before they were and is both anchor and wings. Greater than the sum of the parts we know about, simples. All that talking backwards, looking at familiar objects and people turned upside down is suppose to liberate and in a way it would. It just made it all look like the cheap trick it was.

Not to take anything away from what sophisicated dehumanisation techniques can do to a soul, educated our otherwise but at the heart of it is the same impulse to abuse that is everywhere and in everyone.