June 24, 2011

I get by with a little help from my friends

In the end we all have to.

What a pishy day, started around 4:45. Unlikely to be a good start. Gave my best shot though, boiled eggs and scraped the last of the butter onto wholemeal. Took washing in and out. Got on of us showered and one of us dressed well before 10. Then went out and bought pies. Got very bored and tired and eat the post shrink donut. Eventually it was time to prise mini me from the puter and get him to nursery, at this point it started bucketing down. He loves it, I was cold and wet.

Walked to shrink, miserable, scared, vulnerable, Black Eye Peas on radio, mourning Fergie, legs sore, lungs weak. Man in waiting room on phone to his support 'Tell Dr whatever he's a liar, he said I'd get a CPN and (other visitors)' 'One guy came in and when I told him what I was doing to cope he just left' and best of all several time he says 'I took a lethal overdose in November' all in the tone of a business call. Made easier by the unexplained presence of a psychiatric nurse when I eventually go into his tiny, shabby office. Feeling like a window licker. Same questions, same answers. Dosage upped, and on the scales to make sure he was right about me putting on weight. He's leaving, new job, somewhere else.

More rain, supermarket, bananas, onion, garlic, wine, peperami, dodgy novel. Feel briefly better before its back into the rain, breif sunshine, collect gene carrier. Chatty, happy, strawberry smoothies. The storm above my head is unnerving as I make the spag bol but he's indifferent. I worry about the electricity. Eat too much spag bol, love it, during stories I am the wire from my bra start protruding into the edge of my boob. It's 8:30, 6 music stopped working and he's still awake. Tears, channel hoping, wine, friend eventually, and I enjoy Shameless USA, except for the sex stuff of course and the focus on the perspective of the handsome white educated young man because her life was just depressing before him...

Here, smoking, 6 music working. ;-) xxx