I said I was an atheist, I'm not but part of me wishes I was.
Nothing makes me feel more otherworldly, so much in awe that 'religion' makes sense, as watching space physics programmes. The pictures of nebulae, the attempt to grasp everything within the human mind make me feel a sort spiritual humbleness. A need to pay respect to the beauty and vastness. Besides that surely its a natural response to question the purity of science after the Nazi's and their technologies. Likewise, scientific projects, institutions and companies paying for research have bottom lines the same as everyone else. Eroding the evils caused by ignorance is not usually a top priority. Science depends on theory in order to investigate and theory is subjective.
Like the first time I got barraged with bullshit I was only trying to suggest alternative ways of looking at things might be possible and not looking for a fight. It has raised on old fear of atheists. I was always interested in them, they were often outsiders. If I was going to get any real help then it seemed to me it was more likely to come from those on the fringes. But sometimes people are on the fringes because they are worse than everyone else, not better. I would wake up for them, hoping. There is probably anti-atheist conditioning to though of course. I was right about one or two though and learned to not love people because they were tortured for it.
Despite the effort put in to make me otherwise I'm not turned on by things that are shoved down my throat. Reminds me of the sort of preach to the converted feminists that puts people of feminism.
I believe in evolution. The older I get the more answers I find in the ideas of Dawkins and others that our behavior and choices are a result of genes being turned on and off and reacting to our environments. Brains are being made all the time, with different possibilities into environments that are changing. Social change are ideological revolutions are real and tangible. Hybrid vigour, survival of the quickest to adapt. Human institutions evolving to reflect new brain patterns, new ways of seeing.
Agnostic because of the awe of science and because I'm lucky enough to see a sunset from a beach, or look into the eyes of my son or think about the achievments of the human mind and feel absolutely certain that magic is real.