We are OK. There was sunshine, yesterday & the day before so we were out in it, throwing seeds around, pulling up some weeds and sitting there soaking it up. Its not so warm today but we ordered some plants that came today, violas, sweet Williams and some other things we can't remember name of. Glad to fill the hanging pot with the pink flowers and the bright coloured Spanish one with some of the violas on it and hang them. There is lots of seedlings that we don't know what to do with except try and not kill them for now.
We have lost that unmanageable heart brokenness at the thought of being here never mind longer that was so fucking awful last year. Not that we feel at home or settled just that our mental health and shock levels are better. At least if we are stuck here alone there will be some flowers to look at. Tried to get Pabs involved but he wasn't interested and punished us for attempting to involve him..
We think of you and what you would feel and say if you saw us trying to keep going with something when we are in lots of pain and that gets us to stop. We were worked til we dropped and had to work ourself til we dropped because the very real danger of losing whatever we were working on if we stopped makes it so hard to get right. It impossible to avoid pain completely of course cause we are plenty sore from doing nothing but that doesn't mean we should me lift heavy stuff pretending we are fine and that our pain doesn't count anyway. How do well feel when our bairns treat themselves like that?
Did the usual "wish we had also said that Jacqui talked about this to" thing. We don't know precisely who heard live, who we told and we heard after but not that we think about know we hit the phones pretty hard at some point. We remember the bus station thing to, when we broke down on the bus after the session had that thing when you hear someone crying really loudly and then realise its you. Folk were cleared of the bus and we were scooped up out of there.
Did someone have the balls/death wish enough to blog or tweet the words "well Jacqui you have certainly giving us all the information we need to fake it"?
So many levels, so many games..
All we can do is give people choices Jacqui if he's in that lift then he really is a thieving old queen..
We are probs paraphrasing from different occasions, it wasn't getting the effects she was after she was trying again and again. Telling more of us every time who all have their own contacts and methods.. You see how we had so much probs thinking she was on our side really?
Which is never to presume the shitty forces haven't won but when you have done all you can to make sure relevant parties have all the relevant information before some shit goes down it takes less time to be on your feat again after.
Inside of the house is mostly far from fabulous but its here if you need it.