April 08, 2016

dont know, how brave are you feeling?

Been thinking about you a lot. You may or may not be aware.  It was the right decision to not see each other back in the Summer if it still wasnt possible to stay in touch since then. We strugglying so badly maybe it wasnt. You were safer out of it. A lot safer. No. We arnt remembering your name yet. Any part of it. Someone keeps shouting it but they are being shouted over. We just want to run up to you and show you how excited some of us are to not be seeing Jacqui or anyone anymore. We are glad dudes room is something to be proud of not just for him and us but because we dont need to feel ashamed at the thought of you seeing it anymore. Not that you judge but you would know how much it bothered me because we talked so much.  The positive side of being stuck/trapped in with someone. Not talking to each other isnt a longterm option. We are sliding into cyncial now, thinking about how if it wasnt for the severe capitivity and torture with other people maybe our trust issues would be worse.

We talked about that to didnt we, in flat, when we had to keep off to pretend we werent there to certain people? Was that around the same time when I told you about sliding along the floor and to go for a pee because we really needed it to not be known we werent there. You listen to all us tell our stories off how we had survived "living" in Dundee and Aberdeen. We felt for sure you wouldnt be coming back volunterily. We regreted letting everyone out so out so much, not that we thought we would of had much power to stop it but we know we know some of use reality as a club to beat people off with that might get to close.

It helps you know how difficult it is for us to let the romance out as someone called it. You know our eyes are slits and we are grinding our remaining back teeth when we start to write anything lovey or dovey. We may have a house full of heart shaped things but writing love letters that arnt because someone has a gun to someone or something we really need or part of the process of working out Stockholm Syndrom issues is a step to far.

Fuck off.

We dont even know your name.

So ha!

Garden today. Inbetween the icy showers and cant ignore that pain breaks got a few things done. Glad we got those blokes to just clear it even if we werent able to say what we did and didnt want kept and they stole my rake again. I dont think they will return it this time but we probably thought that last time to. Not much grew last year but there really wasnt much sunshine any way.

Dont know where you are at with all your bullshit. Guess we dont really know where we are with all our bullshit. Think we mostly know which way is up and which way down much more now..

helpful when you dont want to drown. ;-)

seriously though come and help us not fuck up our meds. to eat. help me figure out  what the hell to say to Pabs and help us deal with how terrified, angry and triggered we are by his amnesia.

We love you.

xxx

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