April 09, 2016

Write through the pain. It does help.
We hassled dude to heat up our hot thing and earlier we forced him outside on his scooter. He wasnt out long but we heard him put it back where he found it when he came back in. Dreading Sunday night, the battle to get us to get him to school again. Almost every morning. Sometime we wake up ok but its so rare. There was lots of programming that we figured was probably unnecessary to stop us from being able to shake that off. Especially without anyone around. We dont need minuet detail programs telling us to feel bad about bad things that have happened.

The crying and wanting to cry on waking. It often seems linked to be little and dreaming about being back somewhere safe then waking up and realising where we actually were. Before we learned and were taught how to stop programming from working so well. Then theres being older and dreaming about being safe with our babies and waking up and they werent there. They can program your dreams. They know the things there victims find it hardest to remember when we are in the most violent slavery, they make them even harder to remember. To keep parts of people seperate so they cant get strong.

With us its our mother. We do see a blond woman who isnt Margo she was scared but strong and didnt bullshit. All the "this is really serious"ness around it makes it harder to attempt to unpack as some of it is designed to do. What part of being me isnt really serious? Some connection to the US scenes white power in the rich and powerful, efforts to resist extreme methods of social and political control. See we just go cold..

The Glen, someone repeating "Im not your mum" until it got our attention? Then our dad and a women were there and we felt really weird.

All the stupid torture. It just keeps getting in the way of us thinking about anything.