February 21, 2016


Not sure how far with got with this before. Don't know if we even attempt to allude to it in anyway here before. It might of been in one of the posts we deleted before publishing because we couldn't take the punishment. Maybe we have written about it here before things got really bad again and it was one of the excuses given.


As in that's the year the flesh was born.

More or less believe we were born from a human woman and not decanted. There are some excellent stories in there but so much of it feels to life affirming to be the truth.

1985. Just feels to awful to not be the truth.

What's the protocol for this again? Just let it sit with us. Don't have to fight of memories from a life born much earlier. We know that's what they did. Do.

Different trying to get your head around it happening to you. 198 fucking 5. As with everything else if its a pink screaming fact or the history of a part that we have to bring to the front for a while to untangle letting ourself consciously let it lie around is going to bring stuff up. Nothing feels distant like it used to except the bullshit.  The good stuff still doesn't feel very real though. Of course it doesn't its not being triggered.  Feels like a dangerous place to be a no mans land between dissociation and amnesia of survival and something else, something better surely. Something completely impossible to imagine or remember when your swimming in a crater next to what may be the remains of a dear friend.