Not here forever.

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The family photos from the eighties. There was always spooks around with equipment and authority. Bullying the adults. Treating all the children like objects to placed, moved around and manipulated. The hate for us seemed to be worse. They looked right at us with it pouring out of there eyes when other kids presence was only even recognised when necessary. The verbal and physical abuse from them was worse to. Everyone else usually just looked away. Are we remembering Bills dad getting out of his seat and trying to stop it. Shouting at them and trying to physically protect us. Not for long of course they just took him down, another time when they organised it better and tried to attack them together? Had they been told to do it by another bunch of abusers who may or may not of been working with the first.

They didn't want us being able to identify each other. They wanted us to never know is when we had dissociated out of our skin and was watching from the other side of the room or if we were standing at side of the room usually with someone keeping us there watching another child being raped. It didn't matter, we would be told if we ever had the wherewithal to ask any questions it was all the same and didn't matter who was who. We were who the told us to be.

God we are so tired. Couldn't sleep last night did some house work. It figures that now we are up for getting the house sorted now that there really is no one to help us get stuff to the dump. Feel to worn out for the lad and making his tea now but we have got some good work done in this room today and yesterday. In between episodes of Hoarders to keep us motivated.

Its a very weepy tiredness. We have ordered pizza. It seemed the sensible thing to do.

Tomorrow we may go to the council offices to sort out free school meals and get the lad a new giant coz the new one we just got him isn't bed enough and its ripped at the armpit. Massively. After taking weeks to arrive. We did locate forms we think we might need. :-/

1985

We were in that house where his cousins probably still are unless their grandad has sorted something out for their Dad. We had a new born and were nursing. They starved us. So we would be forced to stop feeding him to try and save ourself. He was only warmth for us that was getting anywhere near us but he went cold to. We were 9 or 10. We don't know if it happened more than once. The nineties were a very bad time.

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