February 18, 2016

Would tell you to fuck off for leaving us in all in this shit but we cant coz your not here.

We can't take Superboy to school today. We can't manage it he's playing pikmin and telling us lots and lots about it. We can't manage all the memories and doing all the stuff parents are supposed to do. We thinking about all the reasons why it's so hard getting him to school to try and see what we can do something about - ALL our other children were killed or taken away, schools arnt safe is people are determined to make them not so, Dundee - abusers threatening us for putting him in and for not putting him in, abusers trying to take him from school and us being told to not pick him up, all the hate & prejudices kids pick up in schools, us feeling to little to deal with anything small or life threatening that might come up, the way his cousin attacked him, the fact that police have been involved in raping me and him and keeping us in danger.

That and our experiences of primary school teachers involved with the rings and attacks from and between other kids are all lots to cause anxiety when we are already down.

N triggers but it was it was particularly bad this time, the area, the school, the kids, the crowds, the being alone in the outside world in this state with sole responsibility for a child all trigger.

Its February.

We are not in therapy or on antidepressants but would like to be.

Don't tell us we are not alone.

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