February 11, 2016

abscent

It just hurts today. Pain has been getting to us more, we are so easily startled, very irritable and am never far from crying. Wish dude didnt have such a blanket over everything we know he needs some of it we just wish we had someone to talk to. We are still trying to run on empty.

Each new part or group of parts comes forward with so much weight there is no point in getting up again. When they had us based in Skene and they stopped us from talking to you it was the only thing we lived for and gave us any hope. Then uni of course making sure we didnt forget it. So much abuse we feel inhuman because it. Just too much. Just like they planned.

How it feels to be working on something good and then we go back to it but cant do it anymore its too complicated and we feel too weak and we can never go back to it because they just keep getting us and we have too much DID. We dont want you to see how much that hurts. We are too proud maybe to. We are so angry and we cant see how that will ever change.

I feel like we must of wasted the time we had but we know its too early to be sure and just to breathe and not hate ourself for feeling the fallout from all that surviving. She just keeps crying Dad I keep crying she is too young to be on her own. She needs help after everything they did to her.