February 09, 2016

Cultural History

Hi Peely wally dad,

Christ. Like we say once we start letting go of knowing who we are and the lines that were pushed the longest have been acknowledged it becomes possible to start feeling out the contents and the cracks in our head better. We are in a remembering you phase. Beats remembering abusers considerably.

How are you? We don't know what your up to and as usual am not going to google you either. We do love you. Not up to looking at how much you're mind us been put on hold by all the shittiness and its so hard to try and look forward without fear but that's the injuries and they are healing. We know you always tell us not to be scared and believe in us even though you knew what was being done, as our first choice as birthing partner/ midwife no one can say you don't know stuff.

Lots of the Dream Team horrificness was aimed at controlling us and others after Margo died. Of course some of us are scared the scene that was programming them and their associates are having their way a lot all over the place but we are not doing anything that are going to feel the need to shut down immediately at the moment. Sundays though. And the need for other people that keeps hurting and reminding us its slow limited progress alone.

There is only two schools days this week and the dude has been has a genuine cold so that's we didn't have to take him in then either. Don't beat ourselves up about his life being in this house mostly. Its not helpful to hold ourself up to ideals of people who have had physical safety for themselves and their children. He's currently snotty and blotchy and expecting me to all the hard bits in a DS Zelda game on demand which is lots of the game on a handheld, yuck. Hes been reading the How to Train Your Dragon box set again and Minecraft books and plays, very into his playmobil dragons and weapons. We forget to remind ourself how much worse his life could of been, how much effort was put into making it so, how many more times he would of been hurt if we didn't fight so hard.

We knew they would ruin our mind for it but theres plenty always aiming for that.

Someone tool has posted some comment that might be against our parenting this post is from 2012 so there is no way we will be reading it particularly as it could been fiction by us or by someone else with a bunch of cunts putting the typist under severe duress. It got close to one or both of me and lad dying a few times and now we arnt being pushed to shelve that emotionally.. Don't think we are just saying that because that what we would say now either. Not when you are back in our consciousness.

Not in any state yet to really get things together. The no option but to wait for someone or something while doing what we can to ease our really badly victimised and brutalised parts. Ye olde tension between the need to feel connected to other humans and finding humans engaged in culture and activities that stop or push us back on our road to recovery is as pointless to mention but we will anyway because we know you bloody know. At least the made up by shitty middle-class line that anyone who isn't rightwing and very media compliant is unelectable is being challenged.

Twitter does of course gives us many genuine laughs and cuteness which can't be over valued.. Some of the other DIDers and others made us feel like we were caught in a net in the dark. It wasn't easy unfollowing until the moment that it was. We hope its not always like that though but feel ourself trying force other peoples' understanding of their systems onto us and that triggers of course..

We have started another blog. For writing we spend more time on away from all the carnage here. Might one of those things we don't go back to is the whole 'tell the story' thing us? Is it something we wont to keep trying. The answer is always yes but we don't know where it comes from..

We are not ruined. Yeah Dad we sort of believe you.

Of course we will write more about what we are reading it's just that when think of you reading it we want it to make some sort of sense. Gendered History it calls.. We don't always pick up. :-)

Lex (?) Not feeling 'Quine'