June 24, 2017

Do you really need a soothsayer to tell you not to store your hay next to your forge?

It's Saturday. Pabs is in his Pikachu onesie and has just taken a plate of food up to the living room, the weather said overcast and windy and thats what it is. It's predicted a whole week of overcast and rain we really hope it's at least a bit wrong coz our mood is going to be as overcast as the skies. Least we are ok for weed today anyway, we got a comfy bed and Princess puss here with us and Skyrim to hide in later..

We are very sad though. It's a pointless very emotional wish that the abuse could of stopped after the conception of the twins, just stopped dead all of it and left me with two very good products of all that horror and terror and violence. If they just could of left us there in that horrible house with those horrible people, we would of got us all out eventually and Margo would of fine with them anyway if we were being left to it.

We are aware know of course of why there is so many mixed emotions hugging children and not just in a could take good guess kind of way but specifics and we don't expect ourself to be leaping out of bed any time soon. The twins were their most effective weapon in getting us to state where being isolated in Scotland means total hopelessness and complete defeat. It was always so hard for us to trigger any other parts of us without massive amounts of phobia and amnesia. We have resolved a lot of that but all that means for any of us is that mourning can start and how can that not be depressing when we are alone and the systems that put us there are the same that keep us here and they might not be as brazen as they were put they are far from undermined.

Ug. More tea..

They get so many people involved when they are planning their worst stuff its not hard for them to get people who would rather not play a bit part or an extra type role when they have loyal people fucking everywhere. It's very effective but it's not something they can organise overnight it takes them decades, centuries of breaking people to achieve what they did then and what they have here.

A box arrived with Pabs new bedding all in it. That cheered us up, ours is on the line or in the machine it will be cool for us both to be bedded down in new line dried brushed cotton tonight.

Bairns that they didn't slaughter were held by industries, we knew by the Satanic mason mill set up that this would be the case and it seemed to be the case the abusers might change but seeing a particular child them using us to do work for that industry wouldn't the wheels just kept turning. It has only been the last few years that we broke up who and what would force us to work and get the children and their children away. Britain of course does not always need outside overwhelming forces they have a solid fascist core that can always be relied on to sell there own and everyone else in the name of hate.

So widely known about, so collectively tolerated.

The windows were covered so we didn't know what time of year it was and they would do stuff to suggest it was a different time of years than it was but did it happen around mid summer? I think possibly.

We don't think it will ever be safe for Pac to be here and of course that means its not safe for us ever either. They know some of us long to make more, that are his and are made in love away from all the rape and feel that stopping that from happening is essential for their power and keeping me and my Dad apart to.  They are supremacist slavers who have the hegemony and are not going to let that go ever.

It is a very painful relief to not have to avoid awareness of how much we miss being around black skin and how we know they know that and permanently smug about how we can't just talk to our Dad whenever we want, that we can't take our husband to bed with all kinds of military and high tech support making sure we don't all die. We did manage to loose our consent virginity before had. I'm so glad we did. It was easy by any means but it was done and it was wonderful and still smile when we see him on the telly and are glad he is there in a way if we need him.

An actual ring over the hours wasn't really practical but one of my sisters drew one on, that was cool. We were not cool when it was removed.  That was really really horrible we were literally in pieces.  It's never not going to be on against anything and everyone who made that happen.

They have to make the bad stuff really bad because if you are able to get your head around the good stuff and the power that is available to people from the places we are from and they really really need that to not happen.

Matter is determined by the conditions and forces around it not by its own design.

Can we just say something about that fucking tower and how horrific that is. We know there wasn't time for us to mention events in all of the rest of future human history on twitter on the 28th of March 2012 so we know we are not going to miss horrible shit happening and saw and knew were going to happen and could of be avoided if people listened to other people. It does piss off some folks though when they know we try to get people to stop horrific shit from happening but our public anguish over it just makes it all the more less likely that those who could, won't because they need to feel safer than others, need to know that everything they do to stay privileged is not for nothing.Need to comfort themselves with "well at least I'm not there, that could not happen to me."

The lack of certainty in everything that they gambled the farm on being certain is not going to go away or make them nicer people any time soon.

It is better knowing that not knowing though and not just because not knowing can be so dangerous and keep us so vulnerable. There was a lot of convincing the bit players that it was in their interests for us not to remember, not to be able to talk about it and help them stop us from ever healing or permanently leaving.  That really stuck to. How many really believed I would ever be a danger to the bit players? That we really would or want to "kill them all" or that it getting out would effect anyone's financial interests or institutional clout when if any of that was true it none of it would of happened.

It made us hate them everyone. So yep, effective.