March 11, 2016

Finishing chapters..

Started the woodwork and then stopped when we started to feel the same exhausted weepines we felt when forced out of bed to do housework or go to school and pretend we are older than we are. Then we remembered how little sleep we got and figured it made sense to wrap it up. We did the door frame including the bit on the floor so that means we can't go back in there unless we want to fuck up what we have done. Keep worrying that we making a room we like rather than him. He just told us though that the most important thing to him was that we put in lots of effort..
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Don't know what kept us up last night. The writing has helped us getting to a place where the horrors of been trafficked into and from Aberdeen and Dundee feel like a past chapter but we are wary of that we know they encourage that just to take it down. Certainly seem to be past just focusing on the okay moments and using them to build fictional narratives about non abusive relationships and safe environments.

At till this point whenever this happens they start hitting us with anything and anything they can until we back down. As we believe this blog has shown.

The just leaving us in isolation was never what was going on for very long before. It was isolation and torture.

We feel positive though. Much more us. Much less desperate for a world that depends on denying us to start accepting and acknowledging us. Exhausted though but breathing through all the specifics as they are exposed and processed. Letting go of them when we arnt ready. Knowing it won't be so bad the next time we remember.

Utterly ready to destroy anyone to attempts anything on us or Pabs.