Churning

She was all up for taking credit for the state we are in, how our flat was looking more like Elaine's in terms of how messy it was, at how our mood was low child care was near impossible. They don't like when we mention that there is no way we would be in a position to be damaged by her if a bunch of others hadn't made it possible for them, how they are nasty cogs and it's the machine that's scary. They are like children when you deny them their only power as network members, the power to terrify an individual by repeated acts of evil. In the sessions she wasn't going to start shouting and stamping her but you could see could she how tense she was getting. Can only remember one time when she lost it and started shouting in sessions in Broughty and it just made our attack of the giggles even worse.

There was a fair amount of you will be a sex worker because the benefits system will not support you and you will have to eat and feed bairn/s. There has been a fair amount of that talk and efforts to make it true over decades. We are much more comfortable robbing and stealing from people we still can't consent to sex work it may be disgraceful to some but we would rather be hungry and children went hungry. Besides we are in the West here they arnt gonna like it but bags of rice and really basic foods can be bought cheap or nicked to keep total starvation at bay. The hard line in regards to sex work hasn't changed, fucking kill us and its not just cause it would benefit the abusers and their BS. We can't consent to sex work even you make a magical world where we are in charge of where, when, what and how much. We can't consent. Its too yucky.

Was like when the landlord mentioned that homelessness with Pabs in current climate with our health being what it is wouldn't be good, it would be awful but we have survived worse and there would be no way to get debts of us when homeless and if that is a warning can we have it in writing..

Rings are too broken now for us to be too scared that we would turn down help from a non abuser anyway. You might motivate them Tory scum that are friends of Savile and Jacqui.

She asked us about Scania. If he was a part of it and if so what.. We were saying fuck all. Obviously it wasn't safe.  Except that we knew his death date don't think she every got it out of us. She really wanted it though. We were pushed under sometimes but other times we would pretend to see what she was up to. We woke up laughing at her a few times, confused and annoyed and few other. She asked what happened to the kill switch we said we had put in that would physically go for her one time when she was close to a place where she might of done more damage than already done, we said she was no where near any of those levels. Then watched her face really carefully when we said it was true we had put in a kill switch and they knew it (meaning her handlers, her pimps) and that is why they weren't giving her instructions that would risk it. We were very relaxed.

So fucked up. Oh thank fuck she is gonna try some access deeper parts to abuse them which is going to give us the kick up the arse we need to feel our body and know our mind again.. They changed tactics.. Lol.

Petey. We meant it.

Pabs is here and not at school. I know another disgrace. He isn't over that virus though couldn't send him in when so pale and coughing so much and when we are churning through all this JacquiElaine shit.

There was a lot of supportive calls from all over when it was going on. We worked out a lot of our fears about parts speaking different languages. People helped us translate and it was so cool its just me us speaking in different languages. That made it easier to give all we could to bring down rings in non English speaking counties.