March 09, 2016

You think your therapist is bad? Pfft

So how much are the threats a factor in us not looking for more therapy? We tend to see them as a machine so focusing all its influence and all our fears on the hate from any specific cog or set of cogs never held. It is there though as is the fuck that drive to power through and try anyway. The exhaustion of traveling on public transport alone that scares us as much ring threats. Pabs isn't Laura people won't just stand by and let him be killed. And the king pins have been dropping like flies. No shortage of young or middle aged scum but we tend to see them coming and if we don't someone else does.

She was quite convinced and tried to convince us as did Elaine that Pabs was going to be murdered, that he wouldnt make adulthood. Plenty others who just didn't do it when we were quite so awake. People named here among them but which tbh would involve us guessing. But would probably be right cause the non public faces of organised crime are always going to be encouraging the public ones to keep us busy. Punishment of course if you name them we will make sure they rape you and your bairn again.

The more words we write the more convinced we are that we will see him reach adulthood. Its not the kind of thing we would rely on British people to secure but there are plenty to help and have helped but its outside her and all her Satanic muppets control.

Fucking brutal. Aw you don't think your therapist is hearing you? Ours is an important part of an international trafficking ring and keeps saying our kids are going to be murdered.

You wouldn't let us write like this if they had a real chance of getting him would you us?

We know some of the posts here weren't us cause we knew it was to dangerous at the time. And yeah I do trust us over them.  And yeah I do remember how confident we felt when she tried any crap when there hadn't been very recent very successful physical attacks involving lots of people with lots of expertise. And even then most of the time she would say something that would make us pull an involuntary "illogical captain" face.

We had to start making calls and found people who had fuck all to do with it and who asked we let them know if there was anything they could do.  There was also lots of necessary for our survival reconnecting. For all the making sure everything we did to get out just hurt us more we had to find ways to do the same to them. They rigged the world around us like that so we rigged our brain as best we could to do the same. Your definitely not nice to me and I don't like people who are nice to me just to be bad to me.

Its been so horrible so yucky so obscenely ridiculously violent and pointless and heartbreaking its hard to image anything else but we know its out there and all over.

We have spent time, unknown time, physically restrained with horrific human personality destroyers as a child and they were not using instructions these were the guys that work that shit out through gross abuse on hundreds if not thousands over their lifetimes in military compounds there wasn't any being read Dr Suess sessions. If we can survive them we can survive you.

But did you survive? I can still hear her ask.

Well what do you think Jacqui?