coz im worth it and so’s he

-
Its distressingly tight but we gotta put that money down, sign that paper and get those keys. If our head wasnt so messed up we wouldnt of fucked up loan forms, cant be applying for any more we know that. There’s emergency stuff out there that would maybe help with the actual move as its unlikely the   Budgeting loan will get to us as soon as we need it. Dude is being a darling saying to cancel netflix and xbox gold but we checked and they have already come of was kind of a relief has we would have to go to websites we don’t normally go to and remember passwords and its all anxiety causing. If we could just get a good non distessing solid block of sleep.. and had an immune system got a least two small but uncomfortable cists, one just might be a pulled hair infection that will sort itself out. And if we bathe and hot shower lots it helps. Sore fucking hands, uterus irritated, bladder irritated at least our bowels are not too bad! If worse comes to worse with the cash we will have to sell some of his games, he was volunteering ds but im thinking switch. Things should be okay quite quickly again after the move and will probs be able to replace them soon after.

Got more forms sent out today, yeah more forms with extra evidence gathering.. dated & licked the esa. One less to do he said, bless him his attitude is really helping. Got quote for rubbish removal. Actual flit quote tomorrow.. lady from cat shelter wants them to be vaccinated but cant see how the prices on the board in the vet were fucking crazy maybe we read it wrong..

Be looking at groups & massuers in area that’s been helping us stay calmer. Got fucking parents night tomorrow to. Oh joy. No more wine for us either until shit has been paid for. Got a good stock of food  though. No weed. No wine. Anxieties & insecurities aplenty. Hope hard to reach when so fucking tired. Pain killers were in though. Really sucks this whole no friends or family thing. Doesnt suck as much as having contact from abusers constantly but still its real shitty.

Popular posts from this blog

Watered and fed the Roses

-
Image
 We couldnt leave the flat this time last year. Couldn't even make it to the bins sometimes. Think I remember a post about the total dread experienced when May turned to June. Not so this year. Was a bit worried We would feel something close to that awfulness, that triggered terror on the day of the coronation that Tesco and the met office kindly told us about but nothing like it. Jesus those late last year posts acting like we were getting out fucking telling Junior we might be going home and 'twin'? wtf.   Unfortunately, ended up in the garden the same time as the downstairs horror story and knew she was going to say something there was no way she wasn't going to mention it. She asked if We watched it I said 'Nah' pointlessly hoping that would be the end of it. She started talking about how 'wonderful' it was and we stuck up for ourself and all that is decent everywhere by saying it's 'a bit ridiculous for a modern country'. She started som
Read more
-
 Any corner we found for peace, comfort over the decades they had you to destroy it for them. Any happy little, any doesn't give a fuck teen and you and yours were on the phone or at the door. All the fucking calls from your nearest and dearest. All fucking horrible. Calls to tell you your daughter's being abused and getting shit from you because of it become abusive calls from your daughter. Your wife under the impression she will get money from Mom you know because she needs it for basics like healthcare and education.. It's not what Mom wanted especially after she got the full brief on everything that had and was happening to us because of you so you probably have a shot at getting something. The conditions your first albums where produced in. Decade upon decade of horrific fucking crimes that We can't hold you responsible for because your clearly gone. It was still the 80s when the RAF started boasting about having my brother. Like We hadn't noticed. Like we did
Read more

How do you know Savile to?

-
Over the years he took over how I was treated by other groups.  Taking away any ritualism that wasn't completely abusive.  If they refused Savile turned against them, there was some mixed feelings at seeing men who considerable themselves untouchable being treated in the same way that they had treated me.  Savile wasn't too interested in discussing nuances of Satanic theory.  He had no time for any 'genuinely religious' Satanism, he explained to the leaders how to simplify things and then demonstrated on me and others.  Harm for the sake of it which was 'real' Satanism as far as I was concerned, all that bookishness and dead languages missed the point because it didn't cause enough harm.  Of course anything that went on that didn't directly hurt me was to be cherished and he took a lot of it away from. I looked forward to the time when Savile would introduced himself to and infiltrate the groups and bloodlines that were big on seeing Satanism as a for
Read more