Dont wanna sleep, need to sleep..
Definitely seem to be freaking out a bit less and just being excited more. Neither state is good for sleeping though. Got a call from social housing about a potential offer. Place in Kilmarnock so glad we already got somewhere sorted. We just would of ended up crazy isolated like we are now, doubtful the scenery would be anything like what we are gonna be so close to soon. Would be cheaper and less deposit and they maybe of let us keep the cats and the fleas and maybe isnt a universal credit area also isnt an area where we have ever wanted to live either.
House clearance dudes booked, feels good to know we will be free of so much stuff and that the landlord wont be chasing us to pay for clearing it. Shitty of course we got left with all of Laura and the kids furniture. Will be amazing to be away from all the constant reminders of so much abuse, neglect and heartlessness. Its hasnt really worked trying mourn when so close to so many examples of how her and Margo’s life was made so intentionally awful when all they wanted was normal stuff like love, family, friends, fun, comfort by people and systems that place no value on those normal human things. Its impossible for us to imagine living to hurt people who have no interest in hurting anyone. To take pride in torturing and killing the vulnerable it just makes no sense to us. It has never stopped surprising us even when its totally predictable and all we know.
Gotta try stay awake and hopefully then we will sleep at night, the dread of the dreams is so bad right now we cant keep our eyes shut for long.
Getting that sore throat, stuffy nose thing we get when we havent had enough sleep. Its only have eight about the time we woke up yesterday and haven’t slept since but we got some stuff done today and got some rough in head plans for tomorrow, had baked tatties and salad for tea, had a shower, took some painkillers, got my hot water bottle and some ovaltine. Comfy, cozy and seriously anxious about what messed up dreams we gotta go through tonight.
Know it was just an excuse but how the fuck is it two faced if you sending a bitchy txt coz your ill then apologise over the phone? We are used to just using the pain killers for the pain now but the fucking dreams. We are never gonna get used to them. They are all horrible. Even good ones are sandwiched between nastiness and grossness and terror and they come back on us when we are awake like somekind of debilitating mental indegestion. Not fair! We never swallowed any of their shit..
House clearance dudes booked, feels good to know we will be free of so much stuff and that the landlord wont be chasing us to pay for clearing it. Shitty of course we got left with all of Laura and the kids furniture. Will be amazing to be away from all the constant reminders of so much abuse, neglect and heartlessness. Its hasnt really worked trying mourn when so close to so many examples of how her and Margo’s life was made so intentionally awful when all they wanted was normal stuff like love, family, friends, fun, comfort by people and systems that place no value on those normal human things. Its impossible for us to imagine living to hurt people who have no interest in hurting anyone. To take pride in torturing and killing the vulnerable it just makes no sense to us. It has never stopped surprising us even when its totally predictable and all we know.
Gotta try stay awake and hopefully then we will sleep at night, the dread of the dreams is so bad right now we cant keep our eyes shut for long.
Getting that sore throat, stuffy nose thing we get when we havent had enough sleep. Its only have eight about the time we woke up yesterday and haven’t slept since but we got some stuff done today and got some rough in head plans for tomorrow, had baked tatties and salad for tea, had a shower, took some painkillers, got my hot water bottle and some ovaltine. Comfy, cozy and seriously anxious about what messed up dreams we gotta go through tonight.
Know it was just an excuse but how the fuck is it two faced if you sending a bitchy txt coz your ill then apologise over the phone? We are used to just using the pain killers for the pain now but the fucking dreams. We are never gonna get used to them. They are all horrible. Even good ones are sandwiched between nastiness and grossness and terror and they come back on us when we are awake like somekind of debilitating mental indegestion. Not fair! We never swallowed any of their shit..
