July 22, 2017

Stupid Supers

yuck we keep not feeling any better and its shit. Nothing seems to be helping but its what happens when do the stuff very violent abusers have told you not to ever do. It will get better. Get so tired of destroyed mental health though the just never feeling deeply okay. ..

Woke up feeling better today though. Much better. Still in bed and wont be going far from it but comfy and its raining again anyway. So yeah in bed. Feeling better and burning through the lay on weed we had to get because we get messed up on the trainline site and double booked non refundable tickets. We also order a disabled rail card because we ticked that box and that was another 20.. I think even if it doesn't come in time it wont be a problem because we have already paid for non disabled adult tickets anyway.. oh well..

We have also sorted out a new phone because the old one has been busted about half the time for months and months. Much anxiety it has caused when trying to reply to weed related texts and it hasn't let me. We need to have a functioning communications and entertainment device with data to go any where and we are glad that the decision to go away got us to sort that out. It's got cool stuff. The garage band thing is really cool and we were messing with it last night with the lad and told him he can make holiday movies.

Glad it's a week plus away though.

The writing yesterday was good though huh? Probs why we feel better today. Integration continues. There is soo much less fear. So much less "don't sing". Still don't wanna eat though. Happily unfollowing pro BBC or music scum tweeters after all these years of struggling with it and balancing up, guessing at consequences.. Remembering how it has felt to be me if not fully being there now yet but starting to see and feel a much further and deeper sense of us and where we have been. Other people to and my sisters although that is still really hard but we know there are real and not scared about that or them. Good people are out there and some of them are organised really well.

You wanna know what we been remembering? The Super camp either in the states or states run but elsewhere. Could of been one of my sisters with rest of us hidden and helping, or by herself but it was maybe probably us. They were constructing and training and programming a regiment of "Supers" and wanted us there to help out. They had no clue about us of course and we were quite strong at the time anyway. They were getting some impressive speeds but not much strength and no fucking force of course because you can't programme that shit. We told the twats running it that. They started getting it eventually and we knew as interesting and so good it had been to get a break from the rape and murder and rape and murder attempts its not like we were not deeply aware that they were getting us to train and army of us's to defeat us.  When the time came we ended up loving the challange because we had to use our whole brain defend ourself from them and put them all down. There was the three though. That had hide and we knew there was something very not right about the sense we had that because they run and hid they thinking for themselves. We had been all over the awful awful files we knew that was highly unlikely for at least two out of the three. We weren't sure if the other one was up to something on our side but it wasn't impossible and we were quite tired anyway.. We still fucking knew by how strong and wrong the sense that the three of them we okay was programming and that meant some sick fucks had planned this whole fucking thing and had no fucking clue how much that involved sick parts of us.. We couldn't deny it though we felt fucking fantastic for the first time in a long time. We believed in ourself again. We felt a positive future for us might be possible.

We wondered about the place for a while. Making sure it was only three unaccounted for, remembering as many steps and repeating some of the moves to help us remember how we had done it all. There was a couple of patches of gore at angles and bodies in places and positions that we just could not figure out how we did it. We looked again at what had happened near those patches and then we knew there was no way it was us. Then we looked again we knew from the height and spread it must of been a small person, most likely a kid.

We knew we would have to find them but right then we had to get back to Skene to help out whoever they had there while we where there. We fly back we remember that but how we do that in terms of passports and tickets is always a bit of a major blur involves all kinds of tricks and often major dodgers to. We can't remember a lot of flights but we remember a bit about that one because we were on our own and could think. And we thought a lot. We figured out someone was trying to tell us where they were being held and that they could help us find and release the kid. The original Village. He hadn't been around for a long time and we were not looking forward to seeing the damage but it had to done, it was the real Village and some super kid and they would both being used to hurt us anyway and that boy had skills, we need him and needed them not have him..

Via London to get to Aberdeen of course. Buy that time we had the bones of the plan that might get us to him and had shut ourselves down to hide everything from the Brits. We felt so fucking sick walking through the tunnel and through the airport. We had given ourself a plan of exactly where to go and what to do and it was all be had, we could barely breathe and people were noticing. We sort ourself out a bit with a switch though. Even ate and drank and got chatted up by some bloke who wasn't the worst. It was a great until he asked for our number and we remember who we were and he saw our face fall. We both made uncomfortable goodbyes and we went to wait by the gate to return to Aberdoom feeling embolden by the booze and the flattery and just pissed off with the everything which is were we needed to be to deal with whatever horrors awaited us once we had fought, stole a car and was chased back to Skene. They didn't bother following us into the house though. We were not surprised they were mostly police and turning their back on that place is what police mostly do. Tools.

We can't continue the story once we were inside. No one's brain could.

Niall seems really happy to help us out financially with the hols. We order a decent sized torch that isn't black so it's easier spot and  a very dinky multitool. Cause even if we could find the old one we don't want anything to do with the old one.. It's been around way to much. I hope its buried deep in landfill or stored and labelled somewhere with tonnes of other shit.

Think pal is pissed off because we didn't reply to txt earlier but we were watching tv with the lad and had a nap on the couch and she txts a lot and we are not interested in daily drug hunts. We are a reclusive stoner we have gone without at times rather than deal with people.. She's a worry, so focused on drugs she talks about little else other than coming off them and she is at quite lethal levels with it and we try not to think about that too much. Theres a lot of talk of quiting the munchies without backing it up with talk about eating during the day and got bugged with us for saying it was fucking pointless to try and not go mad on the munchies when she is stoned at night when she has all day and gone to work and eaten little or nothing.. She was talking last night for a while about rehab and writing and other positive stuff but we are too familiar with addiction behaviours to be taking it to seriously would be very glad to be wrong though. They are not the best company being so focused on themselves. There is glimpses of someone else in there and we wish them all the best.