July 03, 2017

fucking keep it

Dreams got us all messy. We almost won influence over our dreams this now when they were being programmed back in the nineties. Almost. After the loss of everything and everyone positive in our life we had a lot of hope pinned on it, believing that we would spend the next decades knowing we would get our head back in the summer of 2017. But it didn't happen. Nothing but hate and slavery surrounded us so we lost that to and have spent the last twenty plus years completely hopeless about our life here. Of course we saw when little how much horror was planned for us so we programmed ourself to survive and fight when we still had the will and the knowledge. It's not there would be any changes to the plans thats not how it works its a machine, its not alive, it doesn't grow and it isn't related to real ongoing events.

Its cloudy but there is sunny spells and no wicked wind but we don't even want to sit out or do work in the garden. It seems like silly and stupid today to have spent money and effort making a garden for us in a place where we are being held against our will. There is possibilities of weed later but we arn't even all that bothered about that. It doesn't get us out of here, it doesn't change the decades of trauma but it does help us remember that there is more to us than a victim and more out there than just rape, violence, ignorance and lies. So its not like we will be turning it down.

Our second actual cast iron fairy as arrived. She is lovely and is standing at our bedside in her skipping/playing hopscotch pose with the rubber travel gloves still on her hands. She is cheering us up a bit. They are quite fabulous and cheap and are bound to survive Scottish weather unlike many of the garden ornament predecessors.

Going into and preparing for all those battles all those ops knowing that no matter what happened we will end up alone and in hell has not been easy or pleasant but if we didn't the rape of us and children in front of us would never stop and we arn't ready to give up on life as yet though. Knowing what we do about the history and culture of most of Terra's populations though means we did have to give up on here though. We still care enough about justice and truth to have a possible future but Earth just cares about maintaining gender and caste systems despite all the education we could give them about how its all just divide and conquer but people choose to continue with it all anyway because they are to stupid and scared to concede that other ways of living and breeding are possible.. Too much horror over too many millennia, this planet is fucked and we would rather not exist than exist in a universe with Earth as it is in it.

We've never been scared of trident. Acting like we were was about making out we were like all the other tortured children, like we didn't know who we are. Some of them would try and trigger us by telling or showing us us and we would say it was ridiculous and impossible and made up to justify child abuse. They would start looking at each other for where to go next. It was funny.

It wasn't always like this, there was hope and potential in Earth populations a long, long time ago. We found the pits, broken bits of tech and much more but it was to late everyone is already made powerless by everyone else or as good as dead. Utterly sanitized.