July 25, 2017

Ding Dong

Hi Honey,

I thought we were too tired to write but then we started getting impressions of what was on the other side of the door once w got back from slaying the stupid supers. Between the front door and the room upstairs we can't remember specifics and don't want to it was clear they really didn't want anyone getting in. You and others in there were so starved, so skeletal, everything so awful we still struggle with the time we spent fed and safe and wishing we had come back sooner.

Really wish you were here. It just hurts too much without you. You know. Been a good day today though the sun shone the whole time and we were outside for most of it and have done more gardening. It is really quite amazing the work we have done its really beautiful. You would cry to see it! Trying not to think too much about how much more spectacular it would be if there had been just a bit more sunshine.  There would be so many more flowers!! There is quite a few as it is though and some that should be soon. We put the rose in near the corner in the border we made there. It was brutal on both of us. I am sore but have survived time will have to tell for the rose. We kinda have to put at least one of the climbers in there but its a bit of a thought to shift.. but they are still quite small and it isn't going to get any easier..

Yeah I know arn't we amazing we can bring about all that beauty after so much uglyiness but it doesn't make us need you any less and kinda just reminds us of you more and dad of course and showing mum a garden we made somewhere once. She wept and you know she doesn't do that often.

Got pre holiday plans tomorrow and can't get over how much less anxious we are, we are actually capable of organising something and looking forward to it and not being paralysed with dread and anxiety. It's so much nicer. We are trying not to day dream to much about seeing you come stroll into the campsite, or just plop down beside me on the beach because we don't want to make coming home without you any fucking harder. We will have our garden to come home to and a brain that is considerable less crippled with depression. Definite positives. If we were to being seriously asked if it was a risk worth taking and not just a solid hard wise up stay the fuck away we would say fuck it lets give a go thats why we can't be day dreaming to much it kinda hurts more when its not completely utterly impossible.

We will still write to you when we come home alone don't worry.. It's not like we alone we have our young man and he's pretty special but they all we know that. How are they anyway? The spawn and the spawns' spawn? Love all yous and all thems.

xxxxxxx