August 28, 2016

emotional flashbacks

We are loving Walker's Surviving to Thriving..

Particularly the stuff about "emotional flashbacks" and these being a huge thing with Cpstd defined as "sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feeling-states of being abused/abandoned child." (p.3). We understand our D.I.D being stages beyond Cptsd and where these emotional flashbacks have been constantly triggered so that this state of "overwhelming fear, shame alienation, rage grief and depression" and very easily triggered flight or flight instincts become the norm. We have been told that it is only when we are in these highly emotional traumatised states that we are "ourself" because it seems the only rational response to everything we have been through and everything that is going on. As aspects of us have felt is we are not in constant state of emotional flashback we are not honouring the dead, taking part in a culture of silence or making it easy for abusers to reach us because the only alternative to being in a severely stressed state is believed to be total amnesia because there is so many phobias in trauma holding parts.

Also of course was relieved of course to read the bit about misdiagnosis and how if post traumatic conditions were correctly diagnosed the DSM would be a much lighter tome (p.8) and how learned behaviours are not "innate characterological defects" and can be unlearned the labels people like me are diagnosed with which are "incomplete and unnecessarily shaming" (p9). It's so validating to know other people are seeing and experiencing the world in similar ways to us especially on the matter of psychiatry which triggers so many hard to get out of trauma states and emotional flashbacks for us.

Been about thinking the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response and about how the worst emotional states come under those four nervous system responses. Parts of us are involved in choosing which response is appropriate in any emergency and its control of those parts that abusers aim for. Walker says "these four modes become elaborated into entrenched defensive structures that are similar to narcissistic [fight], obessive/compulsive [flight], dissociative [freeze] or codependent [fawn] defences (p.13). When we read this we can see how the time and procedures where shared out between abusers to split us up permanently along these lines in ways that only they would have keys to inner communication and integration.

More chocolate and caffeine are required..