August 07, 2016

you will have to tell us again, the ward isn't safe enough for us to tell the rest of us what you just said

Way to emotional and sore too now. Done some stuff though. Tidied up, rubbed down door and glass frame, scraped glass but had to stop because of lack of razor blades to fit scraper, hoovered a bit. Hands are getting sore now to. So definite break now. Have tried to get some DID medicine and you never now it might turn up, we would be able to play with new toys then. Without it we are too triggered and cant get past the "people told us not to do this and they have formal powers and are capable of anything violent and horrible and have always gotten away with it so far."

Wish Pabs was here so we could watch the old BFG film. Maybe the social worker would be better with us if he hadn't been G and T's social worker for a while, maybe not. Told him we are not Laura. Cannabis reliance and abuse is not the some as alcoholism. Hate the fact that Pabs doctor's only have his version of events. He's not interested in talking to me. He's got his notes and that's all anyone needs apparently.  How the fuck can you be on the same side as someone who repeatedly threatens you with court. We probs shouldnt be so scared of court it's the fact that he keeps raising it to scare us into agreeing with whatever is put to us without compromise that makes us feel so unsafe and desperate for Pabs to be home. How the fuck are going to cope with not being told again about whatever has and is going down in Doomshire?

Will colour for a while and hope for a knock at the door, not from someone who knows and understands a bit about us and what we are put through of course, thats too good a thing to hope for. Hard to imagine circumstances where things go from being so locally, nationally and internationally bad and controlled to something humane happening.