August 14, 2016


Took much longer to talk ourself into finishing up the gloss than it did to do it. Could of saved ourself some brushes if we had remembered we already had some in a bag that would of been fine. Think we were making sure we didnt decide to paint more. We used up the rest of the natural wicker on the bits downstrairs that are looking really shabby now the upstairs has been done.  Bought cooked topside, new potatoes and carrots both prepared for the mirco and ate at about 4:30. Stuck a couple of frozen yorkies that will rolling about the bottom of the freezer in the toaster. They weren't there best, but the did the job of sooking up the gravy.

After we had scoffed we grabbed a few rays outside then went in the bath. The new shower curtain still isnt up but hey cant do everything.

Also bought another one of the co-op chocolate cakes and have done serious damage to it.

He comes home tomorrow. We are so glad. And a bit nervous about it to though. We know we are in a very different places now and aren't to worried about the old habits taking over. Of course we wish we had more people, more information more words and promises that we knew were keepable for him but we have ourselfs more than were probably ever able to give him before and a beautiful house.

 We just needed it to not stop and not be wrong. We still do. DID and sexuality. Our DID and our sexuality, complicated. We need the other mes to know how this other person feels about us. We need to stop splitting, to be present in our own skin and like it, we need to not be raped and have a very strong will and belief in not being raped.

He said we had to stop because it was wrong. We asked if we were married would it still be wrong. He laughed and said no so we asked if would marry us. We were standing in the laundry room. He said yes but not yet. We were worried about how the rest of us who had been out of the count would feel a bit this "affair" and knew they were coming round. Maybe this was a way of making it easier for them. They wouldn't feel humiliated if they knew how serious everyone was. I don't think that is something we have done a lot of is asking that particular question. Think we have been laughed off and turned down for being too young/insane/embedded in horrifically violent crime a few times though but don't know if we really meant it or was just out of it or desperate anyway.

Umano. I guess. It all still seems too much on life being pain side of things but we would be feeling that a lot for sure anyway.. we hope everyone comes back particularly when on our own so that doesnt tell us much. It was all wonderful though in ways that made the utterly non wonderful moments wonderful in weird ways. We had forgotten what it felt like to not just survive.

He was given the serious talks and taken away to be shown the really heavy evidence and was back again afterwards, really back while he could be. You didnt like when you caught us thinking you had chosen to be there for us then but fuck knows about later. We fixed us both up and said then we really did need to stop having sex until we were "home". Not sure if that really was the actual last last time of contact though..

We hated having to let go we knew we loose sight of him in everything that had happened and leave the memories outside us. We knew it wouldnt be for long but hurts so bad to have to let go of whatever anchor you have like that. It feels like it will be impossible to find it again and usually it is. Not always though.