September 15, 2017

Lucky Star

I love you blog. And we love you codiene, weed, epsom salts hot water baths and cups of tea. We don't love you "common cold virus". You are a cunt..

More money from N most of it already gone to C. £30 worth.. should still have enough left for one or two in the morning.. maybe.. oh well..

..

"Chris Todd"

He said walking towards us on the road the goes past the hospital through the tiny wee village but it was busy, everything was on we had a very full itinery and other stuff to constantly deal with. Think we were going from one line to another, heading towards the Cupar side.

"What about him?" We had no time for tossers and nasty attempts at triggering us, its not like there wasn't anyone around that would help us out. We don't know the precise words he used. We didn't hear them then and had to ask him to repeat. He did. We were felt a bit overwhelmed. He asked as quickly before we had to time to take it in,

"Did you program Seth to murder Chris Todd?" We were back in Glen Prosen in the late 80s as soon as he said and quite tiny. We could smell the woods and the rain and were being flung from traumas to talking to rescues to planning to being given keys and we knew we had to stay in the present it was all on, everyone was here or on their way, all kinds of evil was being attempted or being done to victims else where because they could not get to us. We came back to the present via an incident not far from were we then. An older couple who couldn't act on Satanic plans that close to where we were and us not know about it. We found the last vial of the worst drug ever on them. They were horrific of course and them and their slave/daughter were shot. We could see it starting to dawn in peoples eyes that it all might be over one day. We couldn't believe it was the last vial anymore than we could believe the news about Chris Todd. What use were pictures in our head. Those boys had showed us again and again we could not trust ourself.

"Yes."

We weren't sure though we were all confused and messy but he sorted that out for us by growling, "You are not the Quine" and coming for us.

Think he was dead before most people had turned round. Some passing said something glib about it being "the quine" after all. No one could believe it when we told them what he had said. It was wonderful watching the colour drain from the slavers around and a hint of light coming into the eyes of those who weren't. When we spoke to Graham he couldn't believe it either. We still don't believe it. It's very possible but we don't believe. He maybe said something about Anthony being gone to but we couldn't take it in even if it is true. Bertie? We have a flashes of a violent something that we definitely would of won. Same with Jacqui though we are programmed heavily to always feel under these people and the triggers for feeling like that is living here without any contacts that can remind me of the truth.

We hope more people become aware of the facts of these people whatever the facts are we know they are extreme and they are many like them that are definitely still alive all over the place.

We do feel very confident that there isn't any the kryptonite drug left. We can not remember much details but we can remember feeling confident and oh so so glad about it.

It's frustrating of course never being sure about anything but we would rather that than think something is impossible when it isn't.

Yeah details of some of our murders of long long term abusers that didn't want their names in our head when we were amnesiac have been coming back. Pleby scum bursting in the room all a glee in Skene, cause he heard noise and assumed we were being assaulted but we weren't this time. Think we wrote about it before, how Bill has the magnetic knife rack and keeps them well sharp. We can remember the brief look of shock on his face then we looked away and had to breathe. It was quite a long knife and we had aimed it upwards below his chin with as much as we could find and it went right in, our thumb and finger were touch the skin of his throat. The noises he was making was pretty bad we focused thinking about the contents of that brain of his and how much he had taken from us and others and how it would never stop and knew we needed to know that brain was mess and nothing but mess and no one and nothing would be getting anything out of it ever.

It was very grusome for a part who had been trained to be phobic of self defense. She's knew she was in this body though and the help she need most for what she needed to do was in there with her she just had to find a way to access them. Hands covered in warm slaver blood and its just me and them.. good morning me..

His glee ended when he saw what was actually going on all the mess and dying master. Think he said something as he turned and ran but didn't get far.  We had a sister or someone to wake up we remember that as we looked at the warped door to the little room that didn't close properly but we needed a minute first we didn't know what we were doing or if our thoughts were our own or the shit they blasted at you to make you go mad. We breathed for a moment and it came back to us like a happy kid in a happy home waking up and suddenly remembering it's Christmas. We back to the where the older richer better educated tool was and just stood there. It was strange to be both so triggered and calmed at the same time as we watched him bleed his last. There plenty flashes of much less calmer deaths in our mind but they didn't have much of an impact, there was the dissociated total numbess at the sight of all the gore but that couldn't blanket over a rippling sense that we could be and that it was going to get better, much much better.

The arrangement of parts they had us in and the traumas they had used to force them into being and performing certain task was falling away in some places and we could see glimpses of ourself and people who loved and fought for us and themselves. Then we remembered there was some to wake up. Whoever it was wasn't good though and they stood there over the bodies going on about how trying to change the way things were was bad because it was false hope because it was all how things were supposed to be in nature or some utter utter ridiculous that made me understand that it wasn't just fear that kept us dissociated it was also boredom and the frustration at being surrounded by the victims of very serious forms of brainwashing.

"So your saying they programmed me to do this."

"They must of or it wouldn't of happened."

"So its possible to program people to end the slavery."

"No it needs to happen. Its determined.. Nothing matters" She said it looking down on him and we got the feeling she was numbing herself and stopping herself for thinking or reacting in anyway to what was going just as we had both be trained to do if something unexpected happened.

"To you." We said and went of to figure out what to do about the bodies and to just be awake and alive and feel our own flesh not being brutally attacked. I think after we came round a little more we realised nothing good would come to us or anyone else when that other slave talked and there was so sign in life in her at all we where remembering how long she had been there with us and truly a robot she was and how there was nothing out here can help her and went reluctantly back up stairs. We puked after that one but we couldn't help thinking it wasn't what we did that had us puking it was those dead eyes in body that is under attack and life is threatened. No survival instinct. No soul. No person.

As the Scots and their white power networks were keeping everything quiet and didn't want involvement from others there was more fury about the loss of the slave, a good earner for them than the programmer or the thug. It was years before the English found out but we had had those years without whatever he did to us and they were not so scary.