Luna

The slave mentality. Of all the demons we find looking that one square on the hardest and of course its not an optional. We have to. We don't have enough distance from it to really see it and describe it and we are in a place where slavers put us in many ways even if  in terms what we are and what we remember we are not what any of them ordered. Some wanted us to internailise a sense of being inferior and not just that we are treated as inferior. Women rings mostly I think they needed it where the men knew we were needed for seriously intellectually demanding work and needed us to never separate the experience of the enslavement from Western Culture. The male rings that weren't all about rape of course. We have been recalling Ally M and the way he just to speak to us and it was based on gloating and humiliation. They got off on it. The louder and more agony in our screaming the more sexually excited they got, the more we puked the same. It usually began with lots of laughing and gloating, hooting and shouting, practiced lines about what they were going to do to us and others and sometimes why. That sense that the performance, the effort, the creativity and investment of all kinds about impressing each other and the watchers was in all of them. There was always a few who would seek to try and get us on their own but usually they were in groups and the sense that the money was secondary was pretty much a constant.

Luna. We can't keep calling her "catatonic sister". She asked last year about her blog name and it was a case of remembering rather than coming up with something new. She wasn't actually cut in Glasgow. DID and education about DID can be very powerful that is why the abuser run and riddled NHS does not recognise it as a thing, incase it meant she could convince the some quite high up doctors in all this that she was permanently gone when she wasn't. She did have to stay permanently down for years though and that was so awful the whole time seeing as we are surrounded by sadistic slavers we get off on raping and torturing the disabled as much as they do kids. Useless eaters we have been called and the rape was a way for me to pay my keep once the rich fucks had gotten what they wanted and left us with the brutalised plebs to keep us in place.

We watched them examine her in the bedsit in Partick and had one of those moments when we see what we are up against and its broken and stupid and pointless and feel great because we are gonna survive all this then we remember the thing with this shit other than the horror is the scale of it and how many bodies and potentials it was and continues to grind up minute by minute and day by day and am instantly sobered and agree again that the far far far away powerful sorts were right the only way to stop this shit was to design a human for it no machine could see the totality of this.

So after that we had to protect ourself, each other and Luna as best we could and a fair amount of it has been the absolute worst. Still managed Palermo and Tuscany and all that though. She was able to come round a little then. Pablo though is the result of it though as they planned. When we manage to get Luna out there was a little while before they configured themselves when we are alright, we could keep each and Pabs safe and sometimes even fun. That all ended. American masons and their evil white power plans and addictions to sadism come before Scots of course. The English realised they had been letting things go and started getting more involved again then they sold us to the Russian & American supremacist slavers for the last time and many did not expect us to return but return we did, all patched up by our non supremaist anti slavery Russian & American friends.

We needed to know we had no twins any where near this satanic shit hole for the 10 of August three years ago. The plans were massive involving so many nations and institutions you wouldnt think would be working so closely together for so long and involved in such awful crimes. We could see all the different false info we had given out about our plans for the day when triggered or tortured could see where it went and where it didn't. They really want to keep the slavery going but they are all really stupid and we don't need much support to take them out. This was working on triggers and the worst programming they had been laying down in us and everyone else they could for a very long time though and we knew if our sisters were safe we could find a way through it because it us but we still went into it accepting that we didn't think all the kids would survive that day. Think we have said there are parts of us could not believe both Sonny and Pablo where alive at the end of those ops and that feeling really hasn't changed much.

There is still all that "it doesn't matter" functioning of course though, its a predeterminted system it does not respond to change it is change as Bill would say (he is not going to get any better and our hands are still tied) Lynne would scoff at the idea of change never mind "progress" and Laura "oh change smange".. it doesn't matter what I do or don't do the program and ideology of slavery will continue.. but believing in predetermination and a fixed future does little to encourage critical thinking and learning they knew "masters" were lying to them but that was way it is just as we are not allowed to lie to them.

There was talk a various times mainly from the evil brit lead by male docs of changing my state name back to "Louise Johnston" it was on the blood label the nurse printed out today and we noticed. She said would have to print out another because if she didn't it would get thrown out at the lab because the names didn't match everything is in "J.S" and has been since about 2006. One of the times some middle class prick rapist said it and we must of had support in the room and the bairns/sisters safe else where or maybe just remembered it didn't fucking matter what we did or said because we just looked at him, think we were standing next to the fire place in the bedroom we were put in after Pabs and said something like "fine. Rosa King it is then.".

He didn't like it but we weren't weak enough for him to attack on his own and he had to be somewhere so he just said something shitty and white powery I think and left. We knew it was a big step. A huge fucking step and started to feel even more.. ug..

White powery slavery enforcing GPs man. Not pretty.

Was there any other shit we must get out now without properly proof reading?...

Love you Luna. Going go back to bloody Gardenscapes phone game. Comfort and toilets and not being tied up all the time or some of the time is really nice isn't it? You gave good people to we are so jealous. Pabs is amazing are really lovable and you can come get him back anytime you like tho he's too split to remember but he misses you..

. Isn't there something we should be doing now?

oh yeah. roll another..

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