Purples
You like the pretty new look? We were dealing really bad stuff last night and also did that to, its good. Got ideas about pages, tidying up the poems and stuff, writing a new "about" kind of post that is about DID and slavery and is drafted.. A page of art stuff, the mind maps.. we wondered what it would look like if we did one now.. we haven't.. And of course photos of flowers and maybe one or two of cats and flowers..
Didn't attempt to chase sleep last night but let it hunt us. Didn't want to close our eyes to rape in the bedroom in Skene, rape in cars, rape in club toilets, rescue attempts then being sold and then more rape. They got Pabs of course they did we are always talking about him being programmed AF. Lynne as we recall took him we were already drugged and injured. Someone was there trying to help, a young woman. When we tried to dissociate, close my eyes, look away during rape they called the rapists who had Pabs and made me listen to him scream down the phone. We don't have any recall of what happened when they were asking questions we couldn't answer. Our brain had keep that in it's layers for now that would be fine.
We knew the blank over what happened between Pabs being born and moving to Dundee was way to deep and as its recent years stuff it isn't going to have been gone over by various parts at various times but we have dealt with so much similar stuff it is feeling in ways like we have. It's been scaring us, triggering us, keeping us ill, intimidating us. We know its connected to needing to stop the act and the bullshit around other people that happens internally to make sure it happens externally. We are close though and know we can handle it now.
Done well this morning though. Had some toast, pooed, took all our meds, brushed our teeth and or not planning doing anything at all really.. Put the clean duvet on yesterday and already we have pen stains on it and ash tray spillage.. It's still very comfy though.
Weeds a bit low. Not suprising..
We are doing so well.
Didn't attempt to chase sleep last night but let it hunt us. Didn't want to close our eyes to rape in the bedroom in Skene, rape in cars, rape in club toilets, rescue attempts then being sold and then more rape. They got Pabs of course they did we are always talking about him being programmed AF. Lynne as we recall took him we were already drugged and injured. Someone was there trying to help, a young woman. When we tried to dissociate, close my eyes, look away during rape they called the rapists who had Pabs and made me listen to him scream down the phone. We don't have any recall of what happened when they were asking questions we couldn't answer. Our brain had keep that in it's layers for now that would be fine.
We knew the blank over what happened between Pabs being born and moving to Dundee was way to deep and as its recent years stuff it isn't going to have been gone over by various parts at various times but we have dealt with so much similar stuff it is feeling in ways like we have. It's been scaring us, triggering us, keeping us ill, intimidating us. We know its connected to needing to stop the act and the bullshit around other people that happens internally to make sure it happens externally. We are close though and know we can handle it now.
Done well this morning though. Had some toast, pooed, took all our meds, brushed our teeth and or not planning doing anything at all really.. Put the clean duvet on yesterday and already we have pen stains on it and ash tray spillage.. It's still very comfy though.
Weeds a bit low. Not suprising..
We are doing so well.
