one last cup of tea..
Of course we are bloody scared. Was that not how we got it past one of the computers? The only left to maintain our fear level? That computer was not designed for us so it didn't know bugger all about our anxiety levels.. The one they built for us and using us during our life time we don't have any casual this shit is ridiculous memories about it. Although we are getting memories of us in a work place/institution type corridor try to get their before conceding it wasn't possible it related to too much very severe childhood traumas for me and by sisters and kept me in constant fear that wasn't going to go away by getting parts in touch with each other or talking about. Not for a long time anyway and that meant we would have to communicate despite the danger.. Don't think it's gone. They were persuaded to turn it down and stop using it so much but I'm pretty sure that it is part of the reason we are still here.
We don't think it's gone but we are not that scared of it either. We did notice over the last few years in particular that the triggers they were using and verbal abuse they were giving me was having very little effect but again will be because we stopped that programmer/torturer who was visiting very regularly and forcing us back into the state they had us in during the 90s. The anger we felt whenever we realised this along with all the people he needed help with to do it.. its not driving us like it was but it's still pretty strong.
Guess we could try sleeping. It will be good. We have got more of our brain back that makes us much less vulnerable to all the sleep tricks anyway as does being able to take basic care of yourself and knowing there is more going on right now than Satanic Patriarchy, it's power is lessened when you have a Daddy who loves you and fights for you and doesn't hurt you and respects you.
And we have our mum, who we think has a name that sounds like My.. but we are still hiding a bit from memories of her out of fear left by twisted emptied out people in the past and a present where evil and the shells they carve out to represent them has all the formal power. She is just as awesome and just as despised by Earth authorities. Knowing decent Americans could not believe the truth about her kept a huge distance between us and them. The wedding though and all the surrounding ops, we saw her shake hands with someone and had to stop to take a minute over it because decent Americans knowing the truth about my mum is one of those things the bastards here have always tautened us with as an impossibility. It stopped being an impossibility last summer.. More momentousness..
We don't think it's gone but we are not that scared of it either. We did notice over the last few years in particular that the triggers they were using and verbal abuse they were giving me was having very little effect but again will be because we stopped that programmer/torturer who was visiting very regularly and forcing us back into the state they had us in during the 90s. The anger we felt whenever we realised this along with all the people he needed help with to do it.. its not driving us like it was but it's still pretty strong.
Guess we could try sleeping. It will be good. We have got more of our brain back that makes us much less vulnerable to all the sleep tricks anyway as does being able to take basic care of yourself and knowing there is more going on right now than Satanic Patriarchy, it's power is lessened when you have a Daddy who loves you and fights for you and doesn't hurt you and respects you.
And we have our mum, who we think has a name that sounds like My.. but we are still hiding a bit from memories of her out of fear left by twisted emptied out people in the past and a present where evil and the shells they carve out to represent them has all the formal power. She is just as awesome and just as despised by Earth authorities. Knowing decent Americans could not believe the truth about her kept a huge distance between us and them. The wedding though and all the surrounding ops, we saw her shake hands with someone and had to stop to take a minute over it because decent Americans knowing the truth about my mum is one of those things the bastards here have always tautened us with as an impossibility. It stopped being an impossibility last summer.. More momentousness..
