March 29, 2017

how

Clocks changed. So might as well stay up late anyway.. Day got a bit better. It was warm out the back and we sat out in it for a bit. Forced that kid outside for hardly any time at all but enough to make us feel a bit better and him to I think. Sent him up to the shop with a tenner and he came back with flowers and cakes. That was cool. Made beef stew and over ate, feel asleep on the sofa for a bit.

Couldn't write any more on Sunday or yesterday. I'm not sure how many times he has attended school or nursery on the Monday after Mothering Sunday/clocks change. Once I think.

We've fucked up the antidepressant persription again got it today though. They are only giving us a months a time so every fucking month we end up going a few days without and sometimes that will coincide with weedlessness like it did yesterday. We can't stop searching for Louise. Can't stop seeing that no one helped us. Yeah that includes you in an emotional way sometimes but in a rationale way.

We wish this would all end so much. Louise was the only person on this planet that knew us and loved us without her there is no point in this place existing. Not that we can do anything about it because our brain is shut down by programming that is triggered by our current situation and day to day life and events. We would still rather truth and hope and progress and all that but the place is already dead. We got the all clear, the do what you have to do from everyone we needed it from but we ran out of time and usness to act on it at the time. There was still that tiny hope that actions would be taken and the last four years would not go down like they did but now tiny hope has been left under and surrounded by the people and systems that enslaved and murdered Louise. It's hard not to see how everyone would rather we just died to.

They left tiny hope as the sole carer of a male product of rape rings, her and Louise's child, unable to look after herself and with no support or care of any safe kind.
..
How could you?

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