March 06, 2017

Hey Sis,

We aren't fevered any more and the cough is getting better but mood? Ug. We can't do this without you. We tried so hard to keep you alive. We didn't care about our memory, about the truth about money or justice we just needed you. I was the butcher one wasn't I? Until they stopped that. You hated having your hair short like I hate mine being long.

What I am to do with all this hate? All the people that knew about us and did and said nothing. We can't understand how they could all do that. Not without you. Just feels like there has been endless effort and sacrifice for very little. It's impossible to be proud that we got us to a place where we could write and publish this when so much more was possible.

It always took both of us giving everything we had just to make one of lives liveable for a little while how are things going to get any better for me and our son without you? We could defend. We would feel nothing before, during and after but our body would keep us safe from immediate threats but improving our situation? After all the horror, lies and loss and cover ups and betrayal.. I pray our friends have got this but when they haven't before hope seems so far away.

Thats how they work it. Making it so you only feel like yourself with your twin and then taking them away. So you can never feel like yourself again and can't work while they keep everything they got out of us when we were together.

We long for destruction. Not for ourself but for the individuals, networks and institutions that made us and make this shitty little prison of a planet what it is.

I miss you Me. I love you.






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