March 23, 2017

That has to have been the last time one of us ever does that for each other.

Sisters he is bugging us. Really bugging us. Any time we try and impart any kind of information or knowledge to him it gets returned to sender with actuallys, well Is and various what we just saids. It gets us snappy, tearful and down beaten and we feel we are not able to deal with the causes of it all.

It's not his fault it's not our fault. They don't need to have their hands on boys for long their hands are all over cultures that made the kids mind before they get there. He spent years living in a culture of hate and unpredictability, around people we all needed us to be safe and far away from.

Asda delivery today though, noticed Mother's Day stuff is every where and got as some flowers and smelly candles and Guinness. I need to go back through and try and not be horrible to him even if he's being crappy to me. It's only until 7:30 when his colour screen time ends and he moves onto his kindle and we get the living room. And the Wii. It's soo fucking palpable how much our hungry littles hate watching him play a game they feel they need more, cause he's doing it all wrong, cause he keeps shooting the wildlife when we only fish or because he runs around too much because they are not used to be allowed fair turn. They don't expect to be spoken to and certainly don't expect to be heard if they do speak so they don't expect any different when we are asked for helped then ignored but they notice how it makes the closest they have to care takers feel and they hate it. We hate they whole "he talks to us like that because that's how people speak to us it will never change." thing. What difference does it make to parts that feel that the strongest that he is a child. He is nine. What did we know of childhood experiences and norms at nine or any age? How have we been treated by other nine year old boys..

The slavers wouldn't of needed much direct access to parts that feel so small, helpless and in danger to turn the indifference and vague affection towards him into terror and resentment either. That's one of those not matter what we have said or how convincing we sounded saying otherwise there is no going back from that in terms of how we see the people that we asked to help us stop and those that enabled them. We're struggling to accept whatever happened. Struggling to believe its something we can handle as we are. Very much a favourite weapon at the cerebral end of operations, keeping someone in a place where they have to stay dissociated and making sure that dissociation maintains vulnerability. Makes one feel in need of a Royal Broadsword or three. Last bow we got from a Lynel is amazing. Just as well coz it took ages and we went through loads of food and weapons.

Entire Goron set was bought today to with his help to find the village when he got in from school.

He keeps humming "Stronger than you". It's been months and months. We have started calling him out for it. Whatever pattern in his heid that he is fixated on and going over and over we have to start interrupting. For the kids and school staff as well as us and him.

There's not too much point in moaning to you about dude when you have your hands full. Love to all.

Didn't have a completely unsuccessful day myself. Found the Zora helmet which completes the armour and that is very exciting. Extremely exciting even. We will have to try and not tell dude tomorrow depending on what time he is up.

She's amazing and thank you for what you did and sorry for feeling like we like we had nothing left to fight with or for.

There is one tin left. We are a bit tempted but we probably wouldn't get to the bottom of it anyway. Are you going to send a man to us? Or a woman we could really love a woman or a neither. Tell you more about Zelda well we are getting ancient arrows now that make those Guardian mother fuckers infinitely easier to deal with. Been able to register faster, wilder horses. Really fast. Dude did a much better job fixing the first divine beast than we did he didn't manage to figure our how to do the battle that gets you in but once we told him we watched him deal with puzzles we were totally dense over. We can compliment each other really well when we aren't really irritating each other.

Yeah the hormones suck. Your gonna do fine.
Love you.