March 10, 2017

I believe there are fairies who use magic to help nice people..

Yo Sis,

Well there was another non happening today with the lad and school. His attendance has been a lot better I don't know what it was today. Something about seeing the new social worker maybe, or recovery from the virus or just cause I know you would rather he never left the living room than spend a minute in that fucking school. I was always a bit more able to accept as part of being kept here and not taking him means intrusion from people who are working for institutions that never were or never will be safe for us. You never needed to be reminded of that.

Got a phone call from the school. If they were phoning to check on us she didn't say she made an appointment for us to go up. Parent's evening is coming up but that is only ten minutes or so. She said it wont be quite a big a meeting like the previous one's in terms of how many will be there. It doesn't matter how it goes it's still going to trigger 2014 which triggers everything ever and that's gonna fuck us up a bit.

Day wasn't a total no goer though. We got the bus into town. Went to Game bought him his first subway he has been wanting to try for a while. He didn't like the sauce with the meatballs though and most of it was left I scoffed my spicy Italian. Should of got more salad. Should of went for the foot. Got us both new socks and us a new jumper. We thought of you when we were standing in the cue and then went back again to the rails with the another grey garment and bought a bluey grey one instead. Went to boots for hair product. I dont know if I have the right stuff and I'm not very sure what to do with it but we do know that short hair can be a nightmare first thing if you can't always be arsed showering before leaving the house.  It's still so decent to have money to buy socks and subs and hair product and go to Game. We don't feel the same anxiety about it being taken away not that we don't think it could happen. We just bothering with the anxiety so much. Not that we could do that buying shit every day but remembering how awful it was before we got the benefits and how we were scared for so long because we are told we would be punished for having enough to eat, buy clothes sometimes, smoke..

I'm in fresh line dried bedding again! Spotify folk list on. Halleluji came on. We weren't sure you know. Probably because we were never sure about him. But yep. It was perfect. He was perfect. We said sorry after about being so suspicious of him for ever he said it was okay that no matter how suspicious we were we did well by him. We got him out. Then we both looked towards you because we both knew that it was you needed him it didn't matter what I thought. I gave him a hug and really meant. We were truly glad he was there and we knew that wasn't the first time we have thought that about J.E.F but we were often resentful as fuck around him.

 Giant sleeping t-shirt lined dried to. We got you into them to. We were going into town and was able to buy stuff for us both and asked what kind of jammies you were into. You were ambivalent and we said something about if she wanted girlie shit or not, we don't mind the jammie bottoms but the tops were too chessy and never fitted comfortably round the bra less boob area and there was no way we would wear a nightie again. Then it dawned on us that you probably had similiar issues with women's pjs and nighties so we offered to buy you some of your own and showed you the XXL on the label on giant man t-shirt that was lying around. We can't remember what we bought. There is a bit of an impression that we would of aimed for more colour for yours than we go for. Think we can remember standing in the hall when you were in the livingroom next to the big table and showing you what we had bought and you going quiet. Then saying they were perfect. We knew they would be. We were so proud.

There is something else we bought. We were in the works. We've been pushing the lad a bit harder about reading the classics. He buy's £1 minecraft stories and they are done in twenty minutes. We got him to read the lion the witch and wardrobe. Took since Xmas though.. We forgot it's the second and not the first which hasn't helped. He told us the word for things being in numerical order. I can't remember what it was and couldn't spell it anyway.. We picked up Peter Pan for him and harangued him into picking another. They had Enid Blyton box sets (Magic Faraway Tree!!) he doesnt want anything to do with Horrible Histories either because it's to horrible and we get that but still.. he went for Treasure Island. Fair enough.. It's got lots of words.

There was a fair amount of fairy stuff in as well. We bought two little fairies standing in front of doors. We kind of wish they were mirror images rather than they same but in different coloured dresses and flowers. Yellow and blue. There was a few colours. We didn't want to hang about there thinking about you and me and colours for to long. That wouldn't of been good. We will try and put the pictures of them here.

Yesterday he got crap at school and said later on like he felt like nothing mattered.. We know he needs more, more exercise, more people, more education, more peers.. and less of course to less screens, less Fife, less trauma in his flesh, less of a trafficked mom and less of a dead mom to.

Matty Grooves came on :D

Okay so the fairies had poems inside the packaging. Individual poems..

Love you.





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