April 13, 2017


Lady from young carers charity was round. She read out the statement made by the social worker. Most of it was true enough, it did include things the police cornered us into saying when they forced their way into the house and of course describes me as being delusional about the trafficking. It was kinda surreal at times the way she talked about horrible pasts and cupboards you can't see the back off and throwing stuff in it in a box then throwing that box in the cupboard and then putting new things in front of the cupboard.. or something. She asked of course about family and where Pabs comes from and when it started. We didn't bother asking her to call us Rosie or Rosa. It probably would of helped us if we had though.

She seemed to understand when we talked about dissociation though but I always get the feeling that when we are asked when it started and we say probably when we were tiny and pre verbal they think that makes what we are saying less likely. It could just be our paranoia though.

It was hard of course hearing how much we fail at being a parent read out to us. Impossible not feel like we are letting him down and that we are useless. She might not be able to help him anyway because the group she runs includes kids that are there because of autism in the family and they are there to get  break from it. Its utterly impossible for us to be enthusiastic about anything offered to us of course because of where we are and who we are. We would let him go if they offered but being reasonably confident that he would be safe is not going to stop us from worrying and remembering horrible stuff that happened to us at his age the whole time he was gone.

Of course the referral from the social worker mentions how we have stated they was and is police collusion so of course that could never happen and police denial are received as proof somehow that there was no police collusion.. Never not going to be disgusted by that.

We kind of messed up when spent that money.. we thought this week was another good but of course it isn't and the Sky bill came off so we cashless. Not that bothered about being weedless, not that we would turn it down if they guy who is owe us money and said it would pay it back in green turns up. Not that he would. He wanted us to buy from him and he would add a little extra on each time. We are not up for that but there is fuck all we had do about it. Glad we are eventually in a place where are confident we wont be buying from him or his bro again. Or so we are saying today anyway when we have no money and not really craving it much anyway..

Got the lad to help us tidy up the garden a little once she was gone. Not for long out back starts hurting straight away and its not a particularly inspiring space, he cleaned his room to and we have told him he will be coming to the shops with us (if I am right about there being a tenner in our purse) no matter how much he moans about it.

Miss you Daddy. xxx