April 30, 2017

That's why they need the slaves Mum they are all thick as pig shit.

Hello.

Cool isn't it and so totally not cool of course to but to not live under the fear of dying while people you love having little idea of who you are. Living like that was always a kind of death anyway. We made an amnesiac part who would describe how she was going die because it was all too much and made sure she sounded literal when she was actually telling them about the end of the worst of the amnesia and isolation. She was telling the abusers she knew she would not exist in the future and all the rest of us agreed and they thought we were telling them we were going to die when it was a roll that would no longer be needed, a state that would no longer happen. Sometimes when it happened we realised we were also showing ourselfs this because it felt so obvious that what we were saying wasn't real or literal.

They went higher and higher through the networks trying to find out if it was certain and lots of good work was done.

It was our sisters who fell for the "Daddy will never love you because you defend yourself" stuff more than us. We usually knew it was something we had to pretend was working until we were in a position to not have to any more. Those moments were we slide from blinkered and down, to hang on do we need to be taking this shit to waking up and answering and or fighting back, walking out were always so good.. Other times there was no slow waking up just the culmination of years, decades of very conscious acting, watching and planning coming to fruition. Glorious.

For a while until we remembered everything and everyone else would was still a severe danger. Things were set up so that anything any of sister did the trouble would come back here, "as long as we have one we have them all" was the thinking and it wasn't delusional.

There wasn't all that many people who noticed or would point out physical switches between us so as long as the right one was there or not there for certain stuff ao we got away with a lot of sharing the worst and best of it. There was the one sister who knew almost as much as us so even the worst could be split and not survived alone until mum was able to help. Help she did until she predictable couldn't leave us in it and got herself recaptured and had to be found and rescued again. She was in a lot better shape than we thought she would be. Really good in fact she was able to use all her defence systems and skills to protect herself well and had learned a lot about what they were doing and how they were doing it.

She said we were right. They were all really stupid and we said yeah, they had the numbers and they horribleness and not much else, except money of course. And Earth.

She teased us about our language which was quite funny. Then we dumped what we had then got to a safe distance. "Jesus christ you think we were going to go all the trouble of finding this place getting to it and then leave it as we found it? I don't think so." There was a fair amount of head shaking in the cabin. Afterwards he said something in shock about us being really serious and we said something about it being better to demonstrate that to him rather than just tell him. What with all being soo unbelievable and all.. Dont know where we went after that. Probably some place wonderful where we could leave mother where she wouldn't even notice she would spend all her time in a hole in ground working anyway.

"She wont tell us how many of us there are." Said a sister to mum we were sitting on the hospital bed, close to each other.

"They won't tell me. Said not to worry about it that they didn't believe you can have too much of a good thing." Everyone was looking at me kind of expecting or hoping we might elaborate further but we didn't have much more else."Especially what with everything thats going on." Was all we could give them and something about them being the same people that would get a hold of us and say that had seen what we had done and we would start talking about it and asking them questions and they would be all like "woah we said we saw what you did not 'how' you did it." Everyone was still quiet and bewildered looking of course then Mum asked if they were same people as she knew and we said yes and were so glad they were eventually speaking to her, I think we wept. She told my dad we had been right to keep it from them, that was like a massive physical weight being lifted as well because he could see by her face and words and the state we were in he needed to trust us. We said we hoped he would start to be told from then on though and someone confirmed it and we could see how relieved he was at that.

I think before we sighed off we looked at mum looking at us knowing she knew and wanted, needed to say something but all we could come up was about it being ridiculous and she it was something else, a word that doesn't translate but means something very good and very right and very real. We felt so glad and humbled. Then she had to go.