April 09, 2017


We hoovered the downstairs hall and threw some bleach over both toilets. I'm not cooking that chicken or cleaning the kitchen but we took out the frozen bog we managed to eat the other day and will maybe chuck the chicken in the oven later. It's not going to become any more appetising by leaving it in the fridge.

Think it's a become a bit of a tradition of ours that we plan a roast chicken tea for Easter Sunday that doesn't happen coz we like two years old being looked after by a six year old..

The question on our mind is how long would be prepared to be here like this if it meant saving one or both of our sisters lives. We only have answer to that, "not forever." and that leaves quite a lot of time.

Where are we? April. Trump is doing exactly what we told people he would do and we believe that is triggering something but we can't remember what or if is going to make any real difference to us. Don't know if Brexit, May and right wing Europe stuff all happening was discussed much with anyone who would or could do anything. There is the half memory of me being able to get help to get sisters out so we could leave them in Dundee with Pablo so we could go to Europe to deal with European stuff and not in a normal makes no bloody difference to us way.

Whatever actually went down we would of had to keep far away from the Brits, the Russians and fascist Yanks regardless so we made sure the parts keep what they knew to themselves when we got back, which means we can't remember it now. It's not a pleasant mental and emotional place knowing you are doing that yourself it's impossible to escape the anxiety it creates but we do remember a time not long after we got back. We were all having to hang out in the living room because of all they tech in the bedroom no one including us wanted to touch because they would no and coz it was so yucky. They were both asleep and we opened our eyes to watch them which is always good after such long times of them never being there when we opened our eyes. We hoped it would help us think clearer and figure out our priorities but this calmness came over us and we knew it was related to whatever had gone down in Europe that we had to shove behind a massive wall as well as them. It was more than enough for us to stop worrying that there going to loose them and desperately wondering what else we could do for them and for ourself.

It was the loveliest and strangest feeling of everything going to be okay that reminded us of being with our Dad. We laughed at ourself a little as we feel asleep. Imagine feeling like everything is going to be ok? What a nutcase.