April 04, 2017

That was "Fascist pigs" as in members of Police Scotland who are also in trafficking & crime rings.

Who were in our bedroom. Uninvited. When we were dissociated and really little.  Not there to investigate crime but to protect rapists and slavers. Telling us what to think, what to feel, what to do. And it was normal for us all.

Got a text yesterday am weed related, we don't know when but hopefully this week. Ug. On the brightside the social worker phoned this morning and asked to come over and we could say sure and not worry about the place stinking. He wont be round tomorrow morning though. Schools are off and we are struggling with having to be a big girl because he isn't at school during the day. And we are not a big girl all rich powerful and evil people won't allow it and there is not enough of anyone else to help us feel safer from them.

Its so hard to ingrate memories and parts when we feel like this we can't move forward. We haven't gone back. We haven't gone back to being in denial about Louise and Julia we just feel lost and devastated and full of hate for the people and systems that gave us these horrific existences and keep the world so unjust and so disgusting.

We shared everything we could with each other, food, shelter, education, comfort. We took each other's traumas. When we could. Julia had it worst but we all had severe DID and don't formally exist we could of looked after her and helped her but we cant get ourself out from under these systems so there was no hope of helping her. She isn't being raped or lied to now though and the last thing she knew was that her sister loved her and would do everything she could to get her safe.

How are the investigations going? It's kind of frustrating when we gave relevant authorities plenty of data to show what criminal enterprises are running the show and what they had planned next and what could be done about it but it was all allowed to happen anyway. Yanks arn't interested in the crimes of Brits though. They needed data that didn't show British and the associates of Brits involvement in Russian activities. Regardless of what it would cost them and absolutely regardless of what it cost anyone or anywhere else.

Where are you giant magical blue transparent cube? This place doesn't want to exist. It has consistently chosen not do. Give it what it wants.

Hopefully we will get medicine tomorrow and not be so broken and quite so hungry for their to be no more Terra. It will helps us remember good times so we don't just feel the loss and the endless horribleness.