May 19, 2016

and the reason for the incest reveals itself..

I don't know what else to say. I know you just want us to keep writing anything even if its nonsense so you will know we are in here somewhere.

Neither of survived what they turned our brothers into when we were still tiny but I was younger so it didnt finish me off like it did Louise and it was a thing from then on we were determined to survive. The torture of me and Louise to figure where me and Louise where. The more we said it was us the more they hated us. So much was destroyed and couldnt happen because of it.

It never stopped. They terrified Pablo telling him to stop protecting me and tell them what he knew about where I was when I was standing right there. We lost a lot of girls who would be working shifts to make it look like me and Louise were somewhere we weren't so we could try and figure out some safety.  When they brought us out to show them us during the worse times they weren't interested in trying to help us or listening to anything said because they didnt believe it was us. It broke Dads, ours and everyone's heart over and over.

After a few years of that I had nothing to say to them except "I'm not your sister." And they started hitting on us for real. Their DID is worse is mine..

They have them all wrapped up in all sorts and we couldnt get close enough to them for long enough to find out how much they knew about what they were involved with and how much hurt they were causing. We got the impression that by the time they had been adults for a while they didnt care and were just saying their lines and going through the motions. The rings were successful in a lot of ways. We couldnt think about having consensual sex in Dundee without looking around the room knowing it was all covered and knowing my played and also victimised "brothers" wouldn't like it..Or would like it..

There isnt any contact with anyone know so there isnt any wonderings about consensual sex that would or wouldnt trigger stuff to give us signs that would help us know how private and/or safe we were.

Of course we learned we had other brothers, brothers who hadnt had what mother did to the others done to them. Ones who could remember us and respected us even if they didnt.

The way Louise would cry at the times when every bit of hope we worked so hard for was being destroyed with the help of other kids we loved and wanting nothing but goodness for.. And we could feel the agents or whatever in the woods loving it, it was dead with my brothers and Louise wasnt going to make it and everyone else was being picked off. Good agents came in and hugged us when either of us cried like that.

Once they grabbed us down on River Side and he says "No intention." when told to not let us go. The way he said it..We just breathed and knew they would be gone again soon.