May 14, 2016

No. Like she said it. Again.

As per usual without any cannabis our ability to tolerate the pain is fuck all. We were soothed in the shower and were distracted from it for a few minutes but as soon as we turned the water off it hit us again. Its not smoking stops all the pain and all the crying but it helps so much. Should be getting some later on neb will lay on pollen and as the sky bill was returned by the bank we spent the 10 that gave us back with our card a couple of times then withdraw it for a gram as well. Cant see how we are going to make it to Tuesday without phoning Niall as we forgot to get electricity and we are already on emergency. Oops..

Guess we could spend the 10 on electricity. Probably wont though. That stressed, impatient, zero tolerance for anything that comes with chronic pain upsets us as much as the pain itself and we keeping thinking we should be able to control how we respond to the pain better but we dont manage very well. The best we can do is to be a soft little that is good at looking after herself but she is still little and it triggers all the times growing up after the worst times when no got to us to help, or before anyone could get to us. That sense of being a small child with no one around that would care for me. It's crushing.

We've been getting flashed of mother teaching and forcing us to speak with Louise's Scottish accent. Took her a while but she got us here. We hate it. Some of us refuse to speak if this is how we will sound which of course was heavily encouraged.

Dont feel like watering plants today. Will maybe be up for it later.