May 04, 2016

numbers games

Bit of an appetite killer huh?

What do you do with you life after that. Except try to hold on and regain them in any way we can when we cant physically hold them and look at their faces and in the eyes to remember. We make jokes about it. We cant pretend they never happened but we cant accept the reality of them all, their conceptions and pregnancies and births. The abuse they were put through. We cant accept it all at once. The writing here shows we are starting to though doesn't it?

Dont think any of them turned out how the rings wanted them to. Except the ones that never made it. They are all like us, amazing but haven't had it so extremely bad for so long. We dont know if we can say that about them all and the ones we were used as a surrogate for are not good now. It was black middle classes that made up a lot of the rings in America that owned us and bred from us the most, supported by whites in military etc. Mostly not black people everywhere else. It was a very international market though we were raped and kept restrained and or locked up and forced to work by people from many different cultures and nationalities..

Count the living.

Says something that we are attempting it by ourself and not in "I will have to hide from this as soon as we have written it" way either. Dad's good with numbers like we are or were.. We shared our brains and bodies sometimes to give back whatever had been taken from us. We were encouraged to make personalities up between us werent we. You came up with "Faith" and we are getting wrinkles thinking about it know..
Anything like that was supposed to be our secret. We didnt want it getting out we were really a girl. Especially a feminine pretty and loving girl. Ssshhhh no one must know..

You would tell us it didnt mean we were weak or that we would always be victimised that it was what we are and to be proud and not ashamed of being ourself. We werent sure.