May 29, 2016

Sorry mum that's my boss I need to go speak to him.

Ah well. It's what I'm fighting isn't it? The system of slavery. The manipulation of attachment needs that enables it.

It's why we had a "not engaged party" we were not fucking engaged. Christ cant I go back think I'm in love/married to/waiting for my pimping brothers.. Maybe he's a pimping brother to! Can't wait to get there. Really. This is awful. It's all crap. Every relationship we thought we built out of that fucking compound. They are all programmed, groomed and handled. They never saw us. Every promise was the them repeating what pure evil wanted them to say. It's like we told Jacqui. When the sex is that orgasmic to a DIDer it's as likely to be caused be massive denial as by the opposite. Brain isn't gonna let you know what is really going on here. It's not an idiot.

Paying Dr O'Maly.

John Oliver. Your a cunt.

We are attempting to balance it with Tuscany before Palermo.

It came first actually. Raised us up high enough to survive "fuck he's not coming back, he was never here", the begging and the desperate attempt to explain how bad things are, how much Pablo needs a parent and how we cant survive the both of our lives being put to the side because people need to take orders from abusers to feel safe. We cant handle any of it thats how it works for them for so long because we end up all in for the denial and the abusers. Don't leave us to deal with all own our own. There are lots here that still completly believe in you and us but others dont see any sign of you being able to help us. Don't leave it a year. If we still haven't heard from you on on own birthday next year we wont be able to pretend any longer. We cant let it do any more damage.

A year ago.


Tuscany though. It is a place that exists. With people and wine and food in it. And we have been there.

And this isnt going to kill us.

We saw it all. Back in the fucking labs.